Sorry! Just Me Speaking Out Loud

I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you… I don’t deserve love… I don’t deserve acknowledgement for what I so called do… I don’t know big words like you… I’m not a writer… I don’t inspire… Hell I cant even spell… The truth is all I can bare, but who wants that?                                                                                                                                                                        I’m not very smart… I don’t like to talk… I fail at language arts… I’d rather light flames on my hands to rage… I don’t need your words… I don’t deserve your friendship and to tell you the truth. I just want to quit this shit…                                                                                              I’m so sorry and pardon my french. My loneliness has a bench. So I’ll just sit to the side till the end of time.                                                                                                                                            Damaged… I’m so broken, no one can piece me back… My bipolar tendencies can’t be welded back… My heart hurts like I digested glass… Empty like the gas tank while I twist my keys on the way to hell… Now I know how spiders feel in the public’s eyes… I don’t look lovable… Most over looked and most hated by upper class self righteous critics… The under underdog roaming the streets without a name tag… I see no light at the end of this dark tunnel of anxiety… Watch me burn down slowly like an empty abandon house on the corner of a drug infested neighborhood… Uncontrollable untamed and wretched… Stainless steal steroid needles injected into bald eagles… If I bought peace to the middle east would I steel be a low grade, no class parasite compared to histories greatness or maybe I’ll just wait until pigs fly…                                                                                                               Or maybe you don’t deserve me?


21 thoughts on “Sorry! Just Me Speaking Out Loud

  1. You and I and most of us don’t look lovable to half of the world. But this half shouldn’t matter to us. Concentrate on the other sunny half where there’s just love, peace, friendship, warmth and everything you’ve been craving for.
    P.S. You’ll someday get over this depression. It’ll take time. More than time, it’ll take and check your forbearance and capacity to fight the evil.
    Have a good day Christopher Bland. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Crazy how our autopilot thoughts can convince us that we are unworthy. But where others see damage, know that your resilience is your greatest strength. YOU are GLOWING!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Chris, you are worthy to me my friend. Our thoughts etch our words sometimes deeper than we’d like but you can’t help the way you feel nor are you wrong for feeling that way. You are a writer. You don’t have to know big words, as long as those words come from your heart you will save someone someday! Keep doing you❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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