Let’s form a bond through friendship. I need some sweet Hershey kisses. This morning I made your legs shake uncontrollably giving you my hard punishment thought wet pleasure for being a bad girl. I hid your car keys so you could stay with me. You left all of your shower water on my burgandy bed sheets. Can you be my personal entertainer and dance for me and only me?
My love can be all of yours for the price of loyalty. I want to play hide and seek in you deep. Your worth is what’s turning me on like a switch lighting up the dark emptiness in me. At night you would put your arms around me and look me in my eyes until we fell asleep. The first one to nurture my stone heart into a warm red diamond ready to love that can’t be broken. You fed me all your love and affection when my faith in love was starving.
I live for us and I’ll die for you…
Slowly falling down the well of deception. Know one can help me so I spiral out of control for control over myself. Get a grip and live! It’s so dark here. So why would I want to? There is nothing for me at the bottom of this well, but my extinction will open up the portal to a peaceful slumber for my souls salvation. You can’t save me so stop trying. Tidal waves rise high covering the sun drowning my dreams for a better life. My coffins interior design is karma. I cooked up too much pain stew and surved many out of plastic bowls. Now it’s my turn to suffer. The bottom of the well will be a tomb incasing my wretchedness forever. Don’t try to salvage what’s been tattooed on the middle page in the closed book of my life. Never to be opened and never acknowledged. A silent death will be my escape from the one true hell I’m familiar with. Don’t save me…
I’m not influential… I’m not a role model… I don’t have positive quotes…
Please listen to these notes… Understand that I want to be all of the above. You see its hard telling someone who’s blind to see. It’s hard telling someone deaf to hear. It’s hard telling someone who’s hungry not to eat. It’s hard telling someone who’s broke not to steal. It’s hard to tell someone who’s waiting for a job not to sell hard. It’s hard to tell a rich country to help it’s people. It’s hard telling cops not to shoot black people. It’s hard to tell wealthy family’s to give money to the less fortunate.
I’m not influential… I’m not a role model… I don’t have positive quotes…
So please listen to these notes…. I rather fucking live like a renegade then live my life under paid. Over slaved while bills pile up. In this world shit cost and it seems like all I ever do now or days is take loses.
So what am I suppose to do? Can you tell me that? Can you tell me personally that everything is going to be alright for me and my people? We are the struggling and forgotten. Tell me how the fuck I’m suppose to feel when my brothers are trying to survive while being frustrated? My sistas got it even worst! Tell me how I should feel when the crime rate is quickly rising to the top? Do you even know why crime is rising? Well if you don’t know the answer then that’s why I ain’t fucking positive!
That’s why I ain’t no role model!
That’s why I’m not influential?
So please save you thoughts and words if you don’t live like me, him and her…
You can’t tell us nothing!
Don’t stand to close to me or soon flowers will be handed to you. Your reaction time was slow on the draw, so your thoughts got painted on the wall. A mirror of memories and runing plasma on the coner stores brick wall. Candlelight vigils sprout up like fresh lavender. As people gather around the candles under the street lights to pay their respects. Late night around 2AM you can hear the sounds of high caliber weapons poping like blood vessels. Many trigger fingers giving birth to pregnant handguns. Choas that’s hard to solve like Chinese arithmetic as a mother’s tears drop from the solar system forming constellations on the pavement. So you know retaliation followed like a chain reaction. Ain’t know white flag being waved around hear! In Satan’s basement loading banana clips in to hungry monkeys. A tit for tat playing tag with bullets. Your it!! Never Ending…
I never cheated, I never lied… If you so called loved me then you should have knew what was inside. Some nights I didn’t come home but you knew what I was doing. That mission… You know… That would give us a better pot to piss in. A better life of living. I rolled the only dice that were given. I was never complicated. I just hated seeing you frustrated. Looking in the cabinets and there are no plates. Renting apartments with no basement. Living in places you don’t feel safe in. So I’m out all night chasing. I never wanted to leave you but your thoughts got so evil. You would change and treat me like other people.You had forgotten that I was more than your equal. I never want to see you… Ever! After all I’ve done for us nothing ever got better. I was damaged and etc. So now I’m waiting for a better love. I never was ever good enough for you. You were a cancer slowly eating away at my sanity. I’ve gotten bruises all over my pride from you walking all over me. How could you ever say that you loved me when you put everything above me. You were my whole world turned ugly. I loved you so much that I would have given you my soul if you wanted it. You were my biggest lesson as well as a colossal punishment. LOVE! whatever it is I swear I’m done with it.
WHEREFORE ART THOU LOVE
Looking for forever… I need forever… I want forever… Forever has to be waiting for me. Lord send me her please. My own forever… I will notice her at first sight. By her eyes… I love her eyes. Eyes bright like fluorescent lights, eyes warm letting me know that the cohesion of our souls will later form an alliance that will be born. My forever! Three words… Intelligent, strong and beautiful I wont discriminate at all. She being the queen and Im the king in our own minds. She will always have my back an be there for me even through hard times. My forever! There is know temporary with us. I am committed to her insane asylum of never ending love My forever! With those angel hips an the softest lips that I want to kiss till death do us part. Truth, loyalty and your poised walk. These are the main reasons why this sweet thief has stolen and sealed away my heart. My forever! When your sick… I’ll care for you. When your cold I’ll be your blanket warm like chicken soup. When your scared I’ll be right beside you telling you your going to be okay. I’ll always protect you from present harm an danger paving a ruthless way. My forever! I will be your ears when you need a friend not to judge you and listen to your every words.If you are far from me I will ask the lord for strength and endurance of a thousand trojans, I will grow golden wings and fly to you like a tracking bird. My forever! My princess! My queen! My grand duchess of new beginnings! The universe is ours, the earth is ours. I will burn my hands reaching in the sky and pull you down the stars. I will give you the solar system in a bokeh arrangement crafted by my own will. I will give them to you for valentines day an you’ll say “No ones ever given me this gift!” My lady forever! You are my gift! I’ll dig a trench and lay in your love! I’ll build a home by hand an stay in your love! I’ll put my feet in your shoes and walk in your love! Ill fight you with kisses in public and make a scene for your love! When I die I want to be buried in your love! I want to be carried in your love! I want to be married in your love! Sail away in your love! Hell, ill even pay for your love! Stay away from all the hate and appreciate all your love! And when my time is over i want you to release me like a dove! MY FOREVER! MY FOREVER! You will always be the one I love. Forever and ever I will endeavor our love.
Lives that faded…
Lack of patients…
Pants pockets in and out while rough hands go in them…
Running up the hill of despair …
Silver dog tags with all my enemy’s names in them…
Brain washing home invasions that put us back on slave ships…
Smother me with your Rico act…
Somebody knocked on the door and grandma let the shot gun go like a child being left behind…
The youth are the truth…
The elders are a lie…
Target the rich for better kicks…
Imprisonment sank the battleship…
Bullets in your chest sprayed with insect repellent…
Settling for less is not an option…
Outcomes the ski masks And glocksmen…
In January it’s hot man…
All I see is good man…
Boots that left there tread on weak doors left hinges falling like Christmas snow…
While George Bush’s nostrals inhale his Christmas blow…
Fuck poor and richer!
Fuck the justice system!
Fuck social security!
Fuck welfare and poverty!
Fuck the judge that sentence me!
Fuck the bullets that burned through my flesh!
Fuck Frank and Fuck the Dias brothers!
Fuck the bitch ass men that leave there ladys a single parent!
Fuck the women who have a good man but belittles him to a turnip!
Fuck it all… The battlefield…
You know… I can’t keep posting anything at all with out giving my deepest gratitude to the ones who’ve supported me and kept pushing me to keep on and don’t give up and also gave me encouraging words of wisdom or just a random conversation. I love those! Friends I’ve made over the 7 months of being on wordpress. Priceless!
I just want to say that I’m not the giving speeches type of brotha. I’m a strong believer of actions speeking louder than words, but in this case my actions are moving my pen to write and to type away on my cell phone to show you all how much I care about you all who’ve supported me from the beginning and currently as I speak. Even if you just supported by following my blog.
I’m ever so grateful for you all. Thank you for excepting me as apart of your WordPress family. I’m like the quiet but tough uncle that only comes around to protect, of my wordpress family. Im just going to say this and then I’m going to shut the hell up.
I was going through a bad time in my life. I still am but just not as bad. It is what it is though, but writing has been my therapy and the love of my life lately. Being the type of man that I am and how I was raised and the things I seen is a reflection of my post. I can’t only write about me and my experiences. Nothing fictional at all just the reality that I’m accustomed to. I don’t plan on changing it at all…
Soon I would like to write a couple books and maybe an autobiography. Woooh! My autobiography would be probably a best seller and a movie I’m trying to tell ya! Before I go into silence I want to give some shout outs to the ones I admire, respect and honor. The ones who keep me moving through a act of kindness that I ain’t even used to.
I FUCKING APPRECIATE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU YOOOOOO!!!!
This is a special thanks and much much love to role call.
1.https://megaworthit.com aka miss Renkyoko’s space… Miss Ren is the very first person that followed my blog with both intelligent and extreme beauty she will light up Your day with Cool photos and her musings on various topics. Check here site out of you don’t already know!
2.https://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com Miss TrE aka the cornerd girl… Her poems, quotes and etc etc are powerful and has a hard hitting genuiness to it. Check her out if you don’t already know!
3. THE INFAMOUS QUEEN LADY TRUTH! How’s site will remain anonymous upon request. She is the 3rd person to follow my blog. My good friend is a machine gun with consistent way of writing and posting quikly. Everything this women writes you will feel it’s presence. Real talk!
4.https://privatethoughtsmadepublic.wordpress.com the 4th person to follow my blog. My cool and personal friend Angel! If your looking for amazing books to read this world famous author got that fire. No lie! Her poems are out of this world and will take you to a different dimension in your mind. Check her stuff out of you don’t already know!
5.https://simpledimplesite.wordpress.com A influential being of life this woman is. I call her my coach. She was there to listen When I needed someone and she told me to never give up and keep writing. She is so motivational and has some beautiful pics of her surroundings. As well as real poetry and great quotes. Check her out if you don’t already know!
6.https://emotionsoflife2016.wordpress.com A real personal fav… What can I say about this man that hasn’t already been said. (LEGENDARY) I have the utmost respect for this him and everything he writes is a masterpiece. He’ll ya! Real deal holyfield. Check him out!
7.https://everwonderedwhy.wordpress.com Shailja….. So sweet and so kind hearted and a good friend of mine I must say. She… Like me is new to this blogger world. This young lady’s quotes, poems and priceless breath taking paintings are a true reflection of how she feels. Check her out if you don’t already know!
8.https://mehumwrites.wordpress.com The Cool bipolar blogging aka Maham! Another Cool and sweet personal friend of mine((who needs to get her butt on wordpress and start writing some more words)) her poems can literally live in your mind for days! Check her out if you don’t already know!
9.https://stellarcosby.wordpress.com Although she may not be a persnal freind. I just got to give this women her props… No bullshit! I think I may have read all of her words on her page. Her words are a walking, breathing, heart beating dose of reality through her prospective. Check her out if you don’t already know!
10.https://tenacitytgoddess.com Let me say this…. My good friend Lisa is a stone cold…. Kick you in the chest… No holds barred while riding on a freaking roller coaster of keeping it real! Now… This beautiful young lady who’s probably going to beat me up for this but it is what it is. This woman is a exceptional friend of mine that I came across about maybe a month ago. I love how funny and to the point she is. To bad she’s taken… Hahaha! Check out her blog if you don’t already know!
11.https://diaryofasoulwriter.wordpress.com Hailie… Now I don’t normally shout out people who ain’t following my blog but for this lady I can make an exception. 100%! This woman is a rare gem found in a place where you will never find it. Her words alone say it loud enough with a soft tone. My sweet personal friend Hailie. Check her out if you don’t already know!
12.https://cristalclearblog.wordpress.com Cristal is a new friend of mine that I want to do more writing and expressing and telling her story. She’s over came a lot of life’s many obstacles and she is still succeeding. The gorgeous Cristal! Check her out if you don’t already know!
Now I just want to clear something up for everybody.. These people are the ones who’ve stayed in touch with me and are my persnol favs but everyone is equal and unique. No one is above anybody. Before I tap things up I want to do another roll call for the greatest of the greatest. More of my favs…
3.living in secretblog
13.my valiant soul
15.Minal Dalal Co-Creator
26.Mari Sanchez Cayuso
27.Phoebe Chi (PuppyDoc
32.A Star on the Forehead
39.Shattered in Him
42.The Cookie Cutter Slayer
43.Betcha didn’t know!
53.Advo. R.R. ‘SAGAR’
Now again… These are not categorized as the best to the worst. These are a list of people that like and may coment on my blog…
MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!!!!
The sweetest things, wedding rings and finding loose change. I wrapped my biceps around my pillow pretending its her. The sweetest things my declaration to know more heart aching pains from heart strains and feelings left tarnished and stained. Come closer to I. Let me whisper your name in your ear. My warm winter fresh breath drops snowflake on your pituitary gland releasing dopamine’s making your body pleased. Let me whisper passionately what I’m going to do with you at sunset. The sweetest things… Will you be my volunteer liberating you from emotional pain and depression that came. Will you let me build a strong bridge by hand over your still waters. Can I pull these silk sheets over your intellect and make you understand my feelings for you in a calm like motion. Sweet heart I’m posted so let me do the sweetest things to you.
Cold as the middle of January I watched you every weekend paint your toe nails in the mirror. You would fix your hair and put on your tightest dress to club hop and seduce the living breathing night. No matter the weather you and your pears were gone with It till the early morning. The same routine every weekend. You see it as fun, I see it as an addiction. You say its to have a good time, I say you want attention. When I call you never answer. I’m just trying to make sure you’re alright and you didn’t come up missing. What if the shoe was on the receiving end of all the tension? Your home girls ain’t no good. They want to destroy what you got because their lives have no handle bars. Let me shut up… No! I refuse! You had a man home that love you and now he feels abused mentally. Its 4 am and you just stumbled in intoxicated waking your kids up. Did you just throw up? Your eyes are like looking down an empty gun barrel. You were in your late 2o’s and your early 30s still abusing ecstasy. Then you come in the room all loud and get mad when I move when you try to get next to me. Breath smelling like bottom shelf liquor and cigarettes and she wondered why I didn’t kiss her. So later in life I dismissed her.