Smile For Me

Someone today asked me a question that I’ve been hearing my whole life. Why don’t you smile? She was sitting in a chair on the porch with company. I look up at her mean mugging and kept walking.

Why don’t you smile? I’ve been like this since a child. I grew up in a family that was very wild. I never had a chance. Walking around with my fists balled up. The person that was supposed to protect me always beat me with a thick belt or his hands. So tell me how could I trust another woman or man. I’ve had challenges my whole life. Moving from apartment to apartment even some times at night. I never could make friends manifesting my anger within. From the apartments to different schools to different streets I dealt with heat and shady folk wanting to beef. Fist fights, shoot outs in my teenage days. My life could have been lost in a blaze. No matter how much I hurted I never received hospital service. Flash backs from shell shocked bad boulevards and blood stained candle light visuals left on the blocks. Some times it mentally and physically hurt to walk past some spots. Thoughts of close friends whose lives tragically came to a end. Often days and months in and out. I’ve witnessed many deaths and had many tests in life. So over time my experiences became my facial expressions. From jail to jail causing my life to derail. Some days were bad and some worst. There were some good days,  but just more bad than good. Then I met a women who I thought loved and cared for me. In the very end of some relationships I just would find out there sneaky and immature…. Need I say more…. that was just the beginning….

Why don’t you ever smile….. Hmmmmn…. I don’t know. Maybe because my portfolio is filled with a horror show…. That never ends… I don’t know…

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