To Be Liberated From Loneliness

I want to consume your love repetitively. Filling my body’s appetite to. Overwhelming with inner to outer happiness without intercourse. Celibacy till marrage incauraging my moral code.  If you don’t stay you where only ment to steal my soul.

You chose me out of one and a billion. kept your promises so we got married! had children and you’ve turned my life around backwards! Going the right direction! Instead of the opposite giving me self freedom. That miss creation of  a warlords upbringing. You gave me a reason not only to live! Guiding me through changing. My old ways! Stearing away from its deadly control over my cerebral to someone real important.

My Apple butter, honey on toast. A sweet combo. How we stick to each other. The first day I saw… Angles playing a golden harp then stalled. Corney! I’m telling the truth. Your glow ruled my eyes to my violent soul like the Empress of light.  At the light of speed inside my minds classroom. I knew you were going to play the sound track to our everlasting future.

You know… I really wish that this wasn’t a fantasy. I really wish this all was true.

Someone that can turn a war dog into a french poodle… by heart to remember all my numbers in her mind..

Advertisements

Always One Step Behind The wall

I preyed….

Facing the stages of every none conviction…

Fenessed by the devil rights was a badge…

He took his hand and slipped some uncontrolled substances in my pocket…

While I was handcuffed sitting on the cold concrete side walk.

Being beat and shouted at.

Hung by the D.A. the judge and the jury!

while the arresting officers smiled at me with a grin…

Here we go again…

From central booking faculties to the buss up state to a cosey penitentiary…

Intentionally set for me…

Fuck!

I never had a chance at all…

We never do…

Unless we have money…

Or something they want from you…

I ain’t got no money!

I Damn shore ain’t snitching!

That’s a automatic death sentence!

Plus I ain’t know bitch!

The seasons changed fast like a kid comming home from school.

You no! Trying to get that uniform off and throw some jeans on…

I watch men starve to death, die while the correctional officers lies to the families…

I watched the inhuman treatment of others by the uniformed overseers…

Truthfully it’s life…

It is what it is…

Some rather look the other way…

Or become a victim…

Looking out of that tiny window…

My only escape next to reading and gambling for food and nessesitys…

Everday my heart grew colder!

Sharper like stillagtites in a cave!

I would break…

off…

Later using the sharp edges to settle debts…

My heart was in a cold dark cave…

A cave…

I changed….

I was know longer a human being!

I became a blood thirsty shark out of clear water!

It’s just what they wanted us to become!

Only to repeat the cycle till extinction…

Extinction…

So don’t point the finger my way.

I wasn’t always the bad guy…

Blame these walls, bars and barbed wire.

I just want you to know sincerely…

I was once a human that displayed my heart…

My heart!

Nothing now!

 

All I…

Tell me!

You never replied proving me right. To reply say how you really feel! You should have been real with me! From the start of this terrible marathon! I  automatically knew how I was going to place you in my life from the beginning. A sad time we live in… When other people’s feelings don’t matter! Just the dealers!

There was a fork in the road of my existence splitting. Instead of going right I went rong. You where never as serious about us!

Well…

I was!

When I would talk to you from afar. You would draw on the foggy window. Symbols of switching up! Never to care on the glass. When you aborted both of our futures. I should have left right then and there! I love so hard that even your friends noticed it more than you did. You would through tantrums Like a child whenever you didn’t get your way.

We had bills to pay! While you where a stray from all your priorities. Till this day you wondered why I left. Why I use to lose my breath. Talking some since into a dirty minds a mess. Every night you would be out late. Like nobody was ever home. You stayed with negitivity in your mind as well as your soul. I made sure we kept a comfy bed! A roof over our heads!

What a shame….

All I Got in return was more and more pain. I just thought that you might of loved me! I really really loved you.

You didn’t….

You took avantage of a good man! Now your regretting those plans… I heard your new man got you pregnant and ran… You tryied to confront him… You got knocked on your ass… When you gave birth to his beautiful new born daughter. He wasn’t even present… I know your heart was slaughtered… left neglected! You act like I treated You the worst!  I was just trying to leave sence in your empty purse.

Later on as years past. Passing me a message… It said that…

“I’m sorry!”

“I’m sorry for tuning you into a mess! You where the man for me!  I’ll fucking  admit that!”

Fuck all that….

When it’s a rap pardon my back…

That’s all you will ever see again from me! The back of me pulling away in my jeep….

You….

Relationship after relationship would sink for you. Your oldest daughter told me about you! Your just more attracted to more mess! Men that walk all over you! Left boot prints on your chest!

I ain’t going to lie…

When I seen your oldest daughter… I tryied so hard not to cry. She told me how her mom misses me, my kissis and how I cared for the children… I smiled at here. Telling her I’m proud of her. Stay in school! Stay away from boys!

Sweety!

Don’t be know fool! I reached in to the glove compartment. Pulled out a brown bag. I reached in that bag. Pulled out cash… Then counted it up took my share… I then said…

Here…

I put 1000 dollers in her hand. She smile saying…

“Thank you so much sir! I don’t care what enybody says! If they ask me! You were like the only dad I every had!”

We hugged….

She left…

I drove off and cried hard from all the pain that was caused.

Cause and effect….

 

Fixing

It’s easy…

You are above all the left over hearts in me broken.

The hoping, Wishing, praying and waiting. For those honey days….

Lovely legs!

Open air playing rain tag in your lap. Breezes me ever so into your wishing well. Throwing in a new son or daughter flower seeds.

The new breed…

I’ll know joy if you don’t bleed this week! All that lovely above me. Over the top of a woman’s thrown controlling my heart beats! That rush continues in me like I dived off mountain heights! Thinking I’m hunting you at first…

You showed me that…

I was in your line of sight the hole time! I was astounded to be such a target. No assassination of smiles running wild all over our faces! Wild love that touches my juguler vains. Sented lips falling on me.

For me….

If you are sincerely after my heart. Prove it to be me if I am your target…

Laying Under days

Belongings…

Longing…

Clechie…

Love team mates…

Let us mate…

Today…

Tonight…

Till break…

Breaking  in evening’s…

With me…

With us…

You will see…

You will be…

My life of valentine…

With out lame gimmicks…

I rather you be mine…

I’ll terminate all pigeons…

Just say so…

Good riddens…

Happy…

Joyfull of coral dimples…

Shakes the baby powder…

All over for freshness…

Heart as big as Texas…

Text me…

I’m a sorcerer…

Compared to your ex’s…

I never let die…

I nurture cloud forms…

In the sky…

For you to never…

Walk a mile…

For a simulation of heaven…

Hand and hand…

With I…

Setting a dinner table for time…

A difficult yet easy equation…

Stay loyal…

Just like you do…

There will be no escape…

What’s living in my chest…

Bares a secret for you…

 

 

 

I Don’t Get It

I just don’t get these times any more. Whatever happened to a mature respectful conversation with a woman that stands in your eyes?

Why so defensive?

All I wanted to do was maybe get to know you. If your not interested…

ok!

That’s cool…

Yet…

You act as If i came at you rude. You turn your face up like a old pair of shoes…

Damn!

All I said was…

“hi…”

“how are you…?”

I’m not sexest or a pig. Im not staring at your breasts. A creep with obnoxious gestures. I am a man with principles! I am a man with respect! I no confidence I lack! Yet strong morals stay attached.

The best!

You look at me like I’m a threat! Like I asked you for sex. What makes me rude? Just because I wanted to talk to you!

Ladies…

Seriously…

Can you please help me here!

I just don’t understand?

What I’m doing wrong my dear! You just look at me like bird shit on your car windshield!

Why?

I just asked you for a minute of your time? I said how are you… Or got damn you look fine?

You do…

It’s just a compliment…

I didn’t curse at you…

How do good relationships get started? If you don’t want to be bothered…

Listen….

Don’t get me wrong!

If you don’t want to talk to me… Just please be respectful. Let me no and I’ll walk away graceful.

I can understand if your having a bad day.  Or your going through problems with your last mate… All im saying is…

I really Can’t understand your ways…

Trust me!

Sometimes I feel the same….

Way…

For the record!

I just wanted to say this…

Im not perverted or sexest… Nore am I a pig… Im not just trying to talk to you so I can hit it an quit….

You dig!

I’m not a male shobernist…                        No known records of abusiveness… A low tolerace for inmature foolishness…

I’m just a man that just wanted to see if we could start something new with this.

You don’t haft to worry though. I’ll never ask a women again. Can I get to no them.

Eny…

more…

I’m not a sexest!

I just wanted to get to know someone precious…..

 

 

 

Chinese Dragon Fan

All these medz got me on zombie mode. Playing music from “The Shinning” in mind…

2001…

“Heres Johnny!”

With a loaded mac 10. On the way, All the way off todays evil from tomorrow’s….

It was “hell razing!”

“Children Of The Corn!”

Children that weren’t even mine. The last canned corn in the cabinet with the broken door hinges…

“CAN I GET A DOLLAR FOR THE CORNER STORE?”

Get a job!

Naw here’s a five… keep the change… Things changed after he never came back home…

So…

Young…

So…

Brave…

Before he layed…

I no he put up a good fight…

Times! Where hard to come by. I was the one always asking what day was it. So I just said fuck it.

2003…

New years eve was a massacre… I found a cross that was on a dead mans chest. I took it. kissed it then said a prayer. I placed it on his head. Dragged him behind the car…

Cover fire….

I lost…

2005

The following holocausts turned hell into a theme parks! My body stronger! No one takes my kindness for weakness no more!

I’ll deminish black hearts, in a demonstration. Writing my declaration in violent tendencies…

Deep…

Down…

I didn’t want to be! They just kept fucking with me… Police, fiends with short money, grimy fools, bullets with my name on them dipped in piss water… Girls that only want you for your dollers not making sence or the respect you got….

Going crazy!

Another P.T.S.D. fit….

One I couldn’t come back to reality from…

That always reminds me why….

I…

Take 7 types of medicine….

I’m unhappy………..

 

 

Followed By Summer

I’m catching butterflies with my hands. Snatching them up quick. The scented motions sensations. It’s wings were so delicate. Also the most beautiful ,intelligent features. Then! Knowing love was in the air. Some where out there for me. Flying around me oso elegantly….

Deep in the forest. I realized I walked to far. Life transformed into dangerous! Those butterflies I mentioned! Guided me to clear safty. One butterfly landed on my shoulder then started up its glow. The air ran through my fingers like cold lake water.

She was there…

I could feel her every stair. Though I just couldn’t see her. Even if she was right in front of me! Her powerful heart beating like Congo drums. I feel her like, pulling glass from the back of my foot heel…

“Follow me loves…”

She wispered…

I asked here….

“Where!”

Then she appeared like… Myths do exist! She was the butterflies eyes staring. I knew now that it’s about to get really real! She was naked… slightly afraid… Well at first… I clothed here… In return… She set me up a path to warmth.

I’ve never felt so much pure inner beauty from a human. She was no human! She smiled!

“Follow me…”

She said…

So I followed! I just remembered something! I had a dream awhile ago! She was in majority of it!

Lead back to civilization…

She asked me….

“So”

“Is this good by now…”

“After you used me…”

I said…

“No!”

“Good buys don’t pay rent here!”

“Only forever does!”

I said…

“Hi!”

“My name is winter!”

She replied to me saying…

“My name is summer!”

“I’m your only butterfly for one thousand sun rises…”

I said…

“Then Stay!”

“Be my only sunshine…”

“Did she stay???

 

 

Hollow Branches

(Hey everybody! Look at me☝ I’m a jackass!)

(Another shitty attempt to write)

 

Don’t you…

Don’t you tell me again…

Don’t you sing me the same songs you did for them…

Your words are cliche…

Now!

I might be all about a buck!

Just don’t call me dear!

Ever…

Then I think…

Washing my face in the sink…

Washing my fate down the sink…

I was never down enough nor smart enough to think about the crushes you’ve had.

The ropes they where hanged from like clothes tags…

No symptoms of sympathetic sympathizing…

Hold me again one last time before your actions let me go…

Selfish…

Selfish…

Selfish…

As I scream for your love…

Notification denied…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does This Answer Your Question

So I see…                                                              You think that I’m crazy! I don’t speak… You think that I’m crazy! I enjoy staying in the house and reading a book on weekends… You think I’m crazy! I have no friends. You think I’m crazy! I have zero tolerance for drama and nonsense.

So im crazy huh…                                             I’m crazy! I don’t go out side unless I really haft to. I’m crazy! I love things neat and organized. I’m crazy! I’d rather get to know you first than to get inside.

Well… Am I crazy?                                             Am I crazy! When I went into the corner store. There was a kid maybe about 17 or 18. He was using a lot of profanity. There were young women and elderly present. I ask the yomg boy to have some respect and watch what he says. The young boy pulled a gun on me in the store. I got mad! I slapped the youngster out with open hands. He dropped the hand gun. I took his cheap gun. Took it apart into peaces. Walked out in the street. Through those peaces down the gutter. That cheap ass American made 380.

Ive got to be crazy!                                        When a guy tryed to rob me one night. Now listen! I didn’t put up a fight! Instead…. While he has his gun not to far from my chin. I said… Politely… To him…

“Why are you robbing me?”

“Rob the government.”

“Think!”

“If you get caught with this weapon.”

“Your going to prison far up the river with 10 years on your sentence!”

“All for a measly 350$ in my denims!”

The man hasitated…. He had that thinking face. Then he slowly started to lower the gun. Then turned around to run. I grabed the hood on his hoodie. I pulled it back and he fell back. When he dropped his gun. I gave it a rough kick. Now he was unarmed! Ready to quite! It was just to late for him… I beat him badly till blood he pissed….

Yep! I’m crazy!