DESPAIR IS MY NAME

(A older one)

 

I got to get this off my chest…

All the rage I bare in me…

They won’t accept me for me from first site…

why?

I’m already feel guilty…

From my past…

I changed…

Only to be back at square one…

A loaded gun to my head!

Is what you gave me!

Pulled the trigger on my hopes attached to dreams!

I still feel like I’m running through the woods…

Trying to escape my former masters from enslavement…

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

You’ve closed the window’s on my fingers…

You shut the doors in my face…

So what am I suppose to do?

How will I live?

How will I support myself?

My family…

I’m hungry at night…

Do I starve?

Waiting for a hand out…

Or do I take action?

What do I do?

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

This treadmill of lies!

Promising me change!

Change for Better living!

Its all just a sham!

Don’t believe it!

Politicians!

Whatever!

Heath care!

Forget about it!

Social security!

Don’t make me laugh…

Spit on your shoes!

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

 

I SURRENDER 

(Oldie right here)

 

 

I surrender…

Speed I need!

Running and running jumping fence after fence!

My shirt got caught on the gate!

Dogs barking, police sirens, helicopters circling, hovering low with search lights in the sky!

As I try to accumulate speed!

I need more air!

The wind has been knocked out of me by five black boots!

Shining chain link badges!

Standing over me in my face!

I taste blood in my mouth!

Salty, irony, gritty blood!

It’s over…

After I regain consciousness!

I opened my eyes…

I see sharp dressed suite to a tee standing in front of me…

While I lay on a hospital bed…

Inquisitions fly at me at top speed!

They realize two days later that it was mistaking identity…

Not even a apology…

Only hand cuffs taken off me…

Even a huge hospital bill…

WHY ME!?

P.T.S.D

(One of my favs oldies)

 

 

It’s only one of me…

I’ll fight all ten of y’all!

I can’t think!

Anger brewing tattooing a image of bruises on you!

I don’t even know why I am so mean sometimes…

Why I have bad dreams, flash backs of bullets coming threw my wind shield!

The life of my passenger taken…

Lord have mercy!

Rest in peace!

Your enemy has taken a permanent nap!

Don’t like my book…

CLOSE IT!

You think you tougher than me…

SHOW IT!

The only person I fear is the man in the mirror!

No big words twists turns or metaphors…

Just true facts intact…

Verbally waterboarding you to death…

A mind that seen know Christmas or thanksgivings!

With family members!

Just fist fights!

Small iron battles in the middle of the streets!

Cold prison sentences…

23 and 1… 24/7

With no nice bed sheets or throw pillows…

So what does life mean to you!?

Mine is a constant fight for survival!

Post traumatic stress disorder is my only friends and family….

FORCE OF LOVE

(Old one I hated)

 

 

I want you to…

Be yourself…                                                                                                                            I want you to…

I want you to…

I want you to whisper in my ear and say…

That you love me…

Don’t abuse it!

Mean It!                                                                                                                                  Don’t refuse it!

Seek it!

I wan’t you to…

Grow old with me…

I wan’t you to…

Be there for me…

Take care of me…

I’ll return to you…

Nurture our love and a rose will grow out from your iron heart. Our ways will never part for you’re my greatest art.

You and me…                                                                                                                            Me and you…

Time is thin…                                                                                                                            Show me yours…                                                                                                                      I’ll show you mine…                                                                                                                The sky is yours…                                                                                                                    The earth is mine…                                                                                                                   Give me you…                                                                                                                            All of you…                                                                                                                                Give me hope…                                                                                                                       Be my dope…                                                                                                                           I’m high on you…                                                                                                                     I wan’t to overdose…

Off you…

Your kiss is my abyss…

Lost in…                                                                                                                                  For you I’ll take a risk…                                                                                                          Give me kiss give me kiss…

Please don’t shade your heart behind tinted windows and cheap cosmetics.

I want you just the way you are!

No one but me will ever see the true beauty you possess!

Just put me to the test!

I’ll burn down all of your stress!

I am a pain arsonist!

My flames will hold us together like these sentences I endeavor!

ACHIEVEMENT FAILED!

In my sincerest words to you…

Give me your heart or I’m taking it.

I want you!

THE GHOST OF RELATIONSHIPS PAST

 

(Another one of my favorite oldies)

 

Remnants of you still remain in my minds open plains. A field of open lies, broken ties! Torture that left my eyes blind to what I have seen!

 

Yet you still leave your foot prints all through my head. I can still feel you close when your not there. You where the true air of the throne! baring my naked lonly heart….

 

Your scent still pervades off my red bed sheets! Dark side on the other side of my bed were my Queen use to sleep… The next women in my life will always be the archetype.

 

Of you…

 

My feeling’s for her will be the same as ours were…

Its not fair!

I don’t care!

I still want you!

Next to You…

Possessed the unprepossessing me…                                                                                  You took over me…                                                                                                                  You weaken me…                                                                                                                    I couldn’t sleep…

You would make me…                                                                                                             Your love was a vaccine to me…                                                                                          I haven’t dated in three years…

knowing another women would just see the pain in me…

The shame in me…                                                                                                                  The rage in me…                                                                                                                       No taming me…                                                                                                                       You still haunt me…

I’m not me…

A GHOST!

You….

Are….

To….

Me….

UZI PISTOL 

(An older post)

 

Automatic shots fired…Cleansing to my soul…

Teflon words bullet proof verbs and magazines filled with rose petals.

Chock back aim in shoot!

When tears fell the whole city went silent after the last shell casing hit the ground.

Have a great day and paint your face with another tattoo tear because now you are a man with more regrets.

If It Looks Like Trash…. Then Throw It Away Fast!

I hate when cats nowadays say…

“Real talk”!

When everything running out of there mouths is fake.

The mind left D.O.A….

That was the only mistake….

I’m sorry!

I meant to say problem…

They all saw how he let his bad side become his worst person.

Real talk!

Well…

The facts…

Scraped the mold off out dated toast…

The mold still remains…

Left spreading through the brain…

like cancer…

Still leaving those thoughts stale and rotted…

What a life spent….

Real talk!

Drama, Drama, Drama, Death

Art by ” Kyle webster

 

Your mouth pulled the pin out of the grenade.

Setting off more…

Your very tongue is an explosion.

Making a path for a destruction parade.

Girls fight…

Not exiting!

Boys shooting…

Over loose lips!

A carpenter of foolishness.

Misinformation…

Laying carpet over more lies.

Breaking old ties between angry minds.

Only to forget years later…

You are the hole reason why.

A human being isn’t no longer breathing.

Now you’ve seen him….

Now you didn’t…

Brains that don’t think after a burning drink.

Later on vomiting a bunch of nonsense.

A lot of deaths…

A lot of pain…

Dropping the egg that cracked open.

Hatching a new born murder..

Nonfiction to these trenches.

These hoods…                                                    These blocks…                                                  These spots…

Watching more incinerate…

The lives of he saying this…

She saying that with out thorough facts.

Burning away to ashes…

All over exhaling lips flapping….

Evil Men

Empty…

Bottles…

Dead…

Tired…

Magazines emptyed…

Smoking guns that plague memories…

Of who once was born…

A slave to himself…

Shells still smoking…

Round and round…

Spread out for pictures to be taken sooner….

That day…

That was his last empty bottle…

Love Is Dead

These are two halves now and it will never be a whole again. Kill us both! Trying in desperation to make things work. The two opposites are just to alike. Truth is…

Splitting hairs before they break off is the most painful in clipping ends. A lot of beer cans and liquor bottles turned upside down in those old times. Empty hearted I think was the name of the liquor.

Not knowing where to start or how to finish anything that you were use to. The truth is the truth. I just wanted to be killed in action. Not knowing that I was already dead. From the heart shaped glass dropped napalm into fractures. Breaking into sad smaller fractions. Sad never evaporated it just stayed lingering.

Pieces of me everywhere to point a thousand fingers. Seeing the darkness in what use to be my reclining chair. Promising myself in the mirror that this will never be repeated again.

I’d rather be killed in a long stand off with federal government agents. Praying…. Asking God to take me away from this pain of this pain.

Slow death and a closed casket please…