Thicker of the Thinning

Unjust!
I’m
So use to
This…
I
Just
Adjust
Can’t shake
It like angel dust
cold sweats
On this cold pavement
Onto a cold slab
Unzipped the black bag
Opened
From head to toe
They said that was the best part of the show 🎲🎰🪄🎩

“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

You Can’t Send Trauma To The North

Any questions?



Nobody?


Good!


I don’t care……






I really don’t…



I’m on a conference call

With a cannibal.



One who eats balled up pens and paper phone calls to those upstate universitys.

Sending kites out to stop some unlawful assassination or assault on another faction in place.

Pace stopped now pacing slower, solar powered by some sunlight on some so called heroic…

I’ve been chosen again to raise my hand…

I had a decoy in my place my class mates told on me telling my teacher that I wasn’t present.


To a bench warrant, maybe if I’ve called out. Hell no! I ain’t going back into a trap like a rodent! They can’t steal my freedom again!

All praises due! Even the most high knows it’s true.



A drunken banshee kissed the chamber of the wrong rifle men. The front page was extinguished…



Well… The news… I’m not even going to start mentioning. Tripping that tricky mage into outer space… Burning like white sage always staying close to a bounty…

Fuck the City and the County………….

In slow motion………………

Extra Antisocial

It can’t be fixed…

Your not I…

So why try…

Leaving…

I left it to be…

Hermit by choice…

Silence doesn’t bother me…

In public…

Anxiety…

The struggle…

Inside of me…

Don’t sit next to me…

Then mumbled…

I will feel like…

Your talking about me…

Eye to eye…

Or acting fly…

Popping off at the mouth piece…

Go ahead…

Just don’t touch me…

Believe it or not…

I’m still adjusting…

To outside…

I don’t feel right…

Don’t say hi…

Don’t ask how am I…

I’ll just keep walking by…

I’m sorry…

I’m like this…

I don’t no why…

The kids called me crazy…

In school because…

At lunch…

I always sat by myself…

If I felt genuinely excepted…

Your cool…

I just don’t fuck with anyone else…

The alone ranger…

Arrangements I’ve made to speak…

When I can’t think of what…

Even how to say enything…

Rage and frustration…

I evade groups that I don’t…

No…

I don’t have a nieve bone…

In my body…

And I quote…

Perinoid…

I often feel like I’m being followed…

I only get along with none killers…

and robbers…

Wild child turned into a man that…

Doesn’t want to be bothered…

Still I hear people say…

“You would make a great father…”

Personally…

I’m nada…

Protective…

Born fighter…

No lier…

No buyer…

A taker…

Of trying…

Find then…

Drive in…

I won’t say nothing…

The whole time spent…

Extra Antisocial!

 

Level Three

Sleeping choices…

Abrasive to my focus…

Wake up!

I percentage out my pros and cons…

Traumatized….

By all happy things crossing T’s…

Missing doted I’s project living out…

Science….

 

I’m a living art project…

A minister of heroin incursions…

Speculator of broken needles all over…

Serving…

The nothingness minds that struggle…

To escape the planet…

 

Hands fat from hitting the wrong viens…

Teaching the youth to stop shooting…

Up…

Shit…

Be a voice of your out fit…

Knowing we will never fit the outfit…

Of the norm…

 

Smile For Me

Someone today
asked me…
Asked me a
question that…
I’ve been hearing
my whole life…
Why don’t I ever
smile…?
This person
was sitting
in a chair on there
porch…
with there
company…
I looked up at
that person…
There company…
With my face
Already Spoken…
For its self…
I just kept
walking…
How rude is that…?

Why don’t I smile…?
I’ve been like this
since I was child…
I grew
up in a family that
was very wild….
Verry… wild…
I never had a chance…
Walking around
with my fists balled
up…
The person that
was supposed to
Be my protector…
A Rejector…
Always
beat me…
With a
thick black
belt…
He gave it a
Name…
I think it was
Mr bass…?
Sometimes he used his bare hands…
So ask me…
Tell me how could
Or why I should trust
another woman
or man…
Hopelessly scared…

No doubt, I’ve had
Many challenges my
whole life…
Moving
from apartment to
apartment…
House to house…
Even in the middle of the night…
I couldn’t
make friends…
manifesting my anger…
Within…

Golden rules in…
Different schools…
Into different
streets…
I dealt with heat…
Some shady folk that
wanted to beef…
A Fist fights delight…
Shoot outs…
In…
My youthfulness…
Daysss…
My life could
have been lost
in a blaze….

No matter how much
I hurted, ached…
I never received
hospital service…
Flash backs
from shell rocks
boulevards…
Blood stained candles
Lit…
Candle light visuals
left on the corners…

Some
times…
It mentally…
Physically…
Hurts to
walk past some
spots…
Thoughts of old
friends…
There lives
tragically stolen…
came to a closing…
Days
and months…
In and
out…
I’ve witnessed
The many deaths…
Had many tests…
Overtime
my…
Experiences
became my
facial expressions…

From
jail to jail…
Causing
my lifestyle
to derail….
Somedays…
Bad…
Horrible…
Worst-cases…
Don’t get me blue…
There were some
good days…
Just
more bad than
good…
The hood……
Magnified my
Expressions…
For good…

Pain Killers

I died today…
Rest in peace…
So sad my life
ended like it started.
Addiction…
I couldn’t shake
it so I dissolved
in my own bag
of brown sugar.
The pain it wouldn’t
stop, the flames
were very hot and
I’ve stained the
minds of lots,
but only after death.
No pot to piss
in so I stole yours.
Bewildered…
Kicking in door
after door only
to find more
problems on
the other side.
Your irresponsible
lectures turned me
out. Making me
heartless.
This is evidence
that supports
and confirms
my statements.
I laid on her
stomach at
night rubbing
my fingers on
her cesarean
scars and she
took her
pocket knife
that was already
stained with
her past lovers
blood and
stabbed me
in the back
and twisted
the blade
until it broken
in my flesh
to create
more pain.
I didn’t die
from that.
I died because
I loved for
one second to
many and
turned my back.
That was
the first time
my tears created
acid that
dropped in my
hands and burned
away the calluses.
I am so glad to
be dead.