Ya Ya yaaa… I’m waiting…

21 years ago…

The doctors said I’d be dead within months…

12 years ago…

The doctors said you’ve got…

I think it was 3months…

2 weeks ago these doctors told me…

And I cut her off in her words…

“Don’t tell me what I’ve heard for decades.”

“I’ve been ready for my death date!”

Without this dream…

“Bring it on!”

Bring it on…

I’ve atone for some sins…

I could have die years ago so today I go…

The other ones I can’t let go…

“Let go…”

Doctors, needles, mental health episodes that breach…

Right past the thresholds of my fire…

Smoke so deep I can’t breath till these demons are out of me…

I’m outty five thousand…

Whenever the horns blow for me…

The final call…

All praises due…

Evil is past due…

So I laugh through my own silent clashes…

I waiting…

Bring it on to the door…

I told him years ago that…

I promised the man above when I was sitting in that cell box…

That…

I’ll never ever pick up a gun unless I really really got to…

Pop goes these weasels…

I saw there heads go pop…

I wish I could pull the nails off my aging stigmata…

Fine Devine wine spill on my forehead…

I felt free for a moment…

Till I wulk up in a coffin, coffing out my trials and my tenction…

From the heat burning my souls absences…

So tacky…

To death I say…

Spare me the teasing and bull…

Just read my lips…

Bring it on!

5 Billion Flukes

Moorsh…

I morn for hisses…

That use to try to snake me…

I’m on to ya…

For my safty…

 

A whole in my chests vortex…

My cerebral cortex is dieing…

 

“For asphyxiation…”

 

I Can’t die

I see…

For torture the almighty won’t let me…

 

As a kid I…

Suffered watching everyone leave me…

 

“Times changed… ”

“I’ve grown…”

 

Dad gone…

Mom gone…

No friends…

If I let you in…

Either your family…

Slash associate…

 

Never have I ever lived legitimately…

Never who I ever knew was…

 

80s baby…

Maybe baby…

I never ever even got to be a son…

 

That’s probably why…

I don’t have one…

I’ve done it all…

 

“Shorrty lo…”

 

I never raped…

No pedophilia…

Or ever lied to people I love…

Never will I…

 

loyalist…

Is my giftedness…

For real…

 

One day if I self distruct…

I can get tranquilized…

Sent to a place for the…

Criminology of my insaine…

Never to be seen…

Again…

Where Its peaceful again…

 

Living out my days of never being…

Nobodys mistreated…

Mechanical engineers…

No matter how much people smile…

Telling you they care…

 

“Narcissism…”

 

Is the blindness…

That  most people think there real…

Loyalty is translation into fake…

 

“These blue days…”

 

Thrown around by words of escape…

Mostly…

By the millennials of today…

Who has never experienced life…

Or love…

For them selves of enyway…

They just observe what the see…

Afraid that it will be them…

 

True or not…

I have to stop…

No more letting in…

For opposits on out…

I told them In 1999….

 

“You can’t handle me now!!”

 

I was the family mistake…

When I started fighting back…

Some how…

 

I’m like a rebound for conversing…

Most people are in a relationship…

They dont even no how…

Most people have or a spouse…

They don’t even no why…

 

I’m not your problem solver…

Just because I listen to there trails…

 

Talk to him/ her…

Your priest or judge…

 

Keep me out your thoughts…

So I can live in mine…

 

With out marathons… Of the same old thing… Old things never broken… Now I will break the cycling… The back peddling…

 

I’m solid with these words…

Tattooed on my spine…

In black widow venom…

Sorry…

Not sorry…

No more will I be this victim…

I’m just truly hurt by never beens…

Who never can………………..

I’m shield myself…

From turning violent…

Long dividing My everything…

What I see as…

Never was…

 

Privicy is platinum…

Mind you business and tend to yours…..

 

 

 

Oni Mask

Sometimes I wonder…

What makes me tick…

What makes me feel like…

Nothing is legit…

I’m darkness…

Some how my aura cast red light…

Cast aside my anger…

Till I meet someone as deadly as I…

I don’t like bullies, Abusers or womenizer…

liers…

All liiers!

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m bipolar…”

“Allow me to keep it going…”

 

Disorders on disorders on disorders…

I’m a hoarder of disorders…

Which one will I be forced to choose…

Today…

“Nope…”

“Fuck…”

“This ain’t it…”

“Changing back…”

 

Mind jumping hurdles…

Police behind me…

Olympics…

Run…

me…

Never…

You shot at me…

Fuck it…

I’m shooting back…

That’s just a joke…

I’m kidding…

Drug dealing…

Snatch a purse if she sadity…

Take the money…

jewlry…

Etc…

Then feed my family…

“Fuck!”

“That’s the wrong one to…”

“Shit!”

“Which one was it?”

“Oh yaaa!”

 

“Oni Mask!”👹

A demon that fought off demons…

Ride with me…

Don’t worry…

Nothing in this car is legal…

This car ain’t mine eather…

We minotaurs…

It’s rabbit season…

In other words…

We’re a riding inflation of…

Revenge…

Where the air bags were…

Naw…

To incriminating…

 

“Chris you crazy…”

 

Already being questioned…

From homicides that happened…

Years ago…

Tears ago…

When my tears came from behind…

Automobile windows…

My wind shield wipers didn’t work…

I’m a tormented soul…

In a white t-shirt…

He hurts…

Just because he can hurt…

Don’t think for a second that…

My heats don’t work…

Riddle me that…

Cadillacs riddled with bullied…

The Caddy shake…

Shackled to skeletons…

Upstate is were we might go…

Bullets like lottery tickets…

It could be you…

ONI MASK………………………..

 

 

Finding A Way To Calm The fury With In

I’m still trying to recover…

Im still trying to get right…

I’m still falling.

Trying to grab a hold of the new ages.

A unfinished prototype of a man with no feeling and no compassion trying to transition to a normal future! Interactional and compatible rearranging my thoughts into love and not flames.                                                          I won’t go to far. Medicating between Wellbutrin and Bupropion. Sertraline to walk the type rope to hope. Please don’t fall… Hoping to God when I’m in public that know one bumps into me or look me in my eyes a certain way.                                    They say I’m fucked up… Seroquel won’t even put me to sleep. My mind skips a beat sometimes when I hear old songs. Triggering flash backs of a savage nostalgia.                                                             A child that knew no real punishment untill I met the true devil.

I don’t go far… No mirrors, pictures or clippers to shape my life up. Cutting off the ties of the guys that I once looked up to as a child.                                                 Now all dead and gone or getting high somewhere strung out creeping through the back Windows stealing only to satisfy there drug apitites.                            Some of them are doing maximum time behind the iron bars or on death row awaiting to die slow.

Can someone tell me the reason for a prison sentence of life plus 75 years? Do you have to die twice in order to come home and see your kids?

This is the prototype of a man Trying to transition.

I Didn’t Even Get A Tombstone

Nightmare on elm street. Someone or something ominous possess my dreams night and day. The suspect is a omen of evil that circles my mental physique like a burning hula hoop melting my consciousness disconnecting me from all that is good. I can’t fight it so I invite it to crawl out of the mirror and keep me company satisfing my loneliness and emptiness. It’s very presence makes me stronger and stronger. Immune to all forms of positivity. Grabbing me with its cold clutches as it digs into the back of my neck till it gets in my brain and takes over all of my humanly functions and emotions. I’m now distant and aggravated revolving in and out of two worlds. Is it heaven or hell? Then the vultures swooped down and ate at my dried up corps.