“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

How Do You Say I’m A Fuck Up?

Im…

Coo Coo for coca leaves…

Ghettos cenderellas…

Shopping sprees…

Plea bargins under 18 months…

Oxycodone…

Paper cuts…

Times in times out…

When the Feds jumped out…

We jump in…

Rounded up like pigs…

From the pigs…

To the Fed pen…

Dolomite…

Minus the pimping…

With a pistol and a can of sprite…

Smoked like a black in mild…

Mildly blacked, from pistol burns..

When it rains your bone ache…

Failing life…

Born a mistake…

Progress burned at the steak…

Lies cut deeper then surgical blades…

Swollen hatred revolved the…

Staff infections…

Infecting the life of a passionless…

Nevermind…

Stay on task with this…

If you give me light…

I’ll spark this temporary liberty…

Mind Rash

I just want to be…

High…

 

“Brown sugar…”

“I heard you taste…”

“So good…”

 

Straws cut In half…

Residues on the counters…

Counter act the sorrow inside…

Let me barrow your time…

 

I just want to be…

High…

 

True…

Factual evidence of my…

New sabriety…

 

Murdered my kidneys…

Nuts and nasal passages…

I had to give you the boot…

The middle finger in loops…

 

It’s over between me.

You…

Us…

 

I just want to be…

High…

 

Layed in bed for days…

Burrito myself in thick covers…

24 days behind on rent…

Lost my mind over dollars…

cents…

 

I just can’t get over…

How you left…

I was so high in the car that…

I hugged your bloody chest…

I’ll never see you again…

 

I just want to be…

High…

 

125 thousand spent…

On legal advisors…

All my cases dismissed…

“Thanks Brother Shaheed!”

 

Picked flowers daring someone…

To say something…

I pick flowers simply because…

It reminds me of someone…

 

I just want to be…

High….

Vacant Lot

Fading

Spiraling

Idling

Bottling

Cracked

Leaking

My

Tolerance

Sulfuric

Violence

Rightful

Entitlement….

 

“This is my eulogy dedicated to happiness…”

 

Longitude

Latitude

Attitude

Adding

You

To

A

Pale

Gratitude

Dirt over the casket

Of my gratitude

And attitude

Now Im mad

Insane

Mad at me

Mad at you

So I dug back up

Embodying solitude

Till I

You no what

“overruled…”

 

“This is my eulogy dedicated to happiness…”

 

 

It’s like

They say they understand

I’m me

They them

But they say they understand

To understand me

Is to be me

So you couldn’t understand

Understanding is when you listen

Understood

You never played cards with my hads

Understand…

 

“This is my eulogy dedicated to happiness…”

 

Im tired of life

A lie

Life sentenced

To death

Betrayal

Ginger ale

whiskey

Betrayal isn’t history

Betrayal is the Identity

Identintical to love ones

In smiling faces

smiling faces

Of liessss….

 

“This is my eulogy dedicated to happiness…”

 

“God bless everybody….”

“God bless the happiest….”

 

 

 

 

 

Sunny And Cold

Two things I love…

No prof of income for the pain in my eyes…

Or yours…

Your deeply offended by…

Every guy who says good bye after they’ve had you…

For one night…

Used like a topless doormat…

We crossed paths…

Sunny and cold…

Dreams that fortold our mixmatch…

Best friends on the same path…

To secretly not want to die alone…

We just want to die sometimes…

Eyes closed behind a closed casket…

The only show ups the dirt being poured over us…

By life and death…

No fresh breaths of air…

Polluted Skys grey…

Eye spy no shade…

Jumping into a pit of snakes…

Just to play with…

They remember our names…

More than the faces that say they love us…

Sunny and cold…

left us alone…

The world is a dog…

We are just the remains of bones…

Gang catastrophic war zones…

Understanding each other…

from spirits across the globe…

Till it kills us…

where already strong…

Sunny and cold…………

 

 

Down Time

I’m just down…

Nothing more…

Nothing less…

Unless this was…

A cry out…

It’s more like I nest…

In the chest…

Between heaven…

Maybe hell…

I don’t smile…

I don’t frown…

I don’t date…

I don’t dance…

I just wait…

This couch…

Holds my weight…

Like my shoulders…

Triple beem…

Me not awaken…

I  feel like laying…

In loneliness…

As far as I will only get…

I only get why…

Pressure points are soft…

So I’ve open them…

No matter how I sound…

Or how I may laugh…

I’m not a nice man…

I’m not the right man…

I’m bound and gagged…

To the obituaries on my night stand…

If I was ever hurt…

I got no apologies…

If I was ever broke…

No one looked out for me…

Life isn’t a joke…

Nore is it a boat…

To sail me to a fucking…

Promise land…

Trust me…

If I start to cry…

Don’t prey for me…

Prey for the a cannibals carnage…

I left blood behind…

I fear nothing…

Not even the voices inside…

To me…

Lies are my worst enemy…

Human beings are mostly fake…

Like your Gucci jeans…

So much old heroin in my system…

You could extract it…

To make a pekingese…

If I robbed someone and got caught…

I’ll damn near get life in prison…

When we get robbed by the government…

It’s called taxes…

I’m just down…

I’m not practicing………

 

LETS FUSE TOGETHER 

(Old One)

 

I’m so in love with you…

I’m so…

In love with you…

Love is my special place for you…

I love you so much…

Even though I know you will never love me as much…

Dangerously…

I am in to you…

I want you by my side like my solid pride…

You’re my future…

Love me…

Like I love you…

Love me like your first…

Love me like cold water quenching your thirst…

Love me like short sleeves in a summer breeze…

Love me like snow flakes on Christmas day…

I shall  love you the same…

I want you to be with me forever…

I want to make a tribe with you…

I want to take off your socks…

After a long day to rub your feet…

I want to smell your vanilla scent…

As I kiss on your soft cheek…

I want to hold you tight…

Enough that you can breath…

I want to be your breath…

You exhale so you can inhale me…

I love you so much…

I love you so…

It kills me…

When we die…

I want to be buried in your casket…

So our love will never die alone…

I love you so…

So you love I…

FOREVER!

 

 

(I didn’t really like this one here) (I was going to toss it in the trash) lol! No bullst!

TRUE PAIN

(A old one)

 

 

I’ve seen death up close and personal in the worst ways possible…

Since I was five years old…

Our relationship was a road that never ended like silent hills…

Agony…

Tragedy….

Wild beasts of all kinds…

True story!

This ain’t no confession…

This is just pure raw uncut truth…

My life is like a child coming home…

To a cold vacant apartment…

With no food or heat or running hot water…

At times…

My hopelessness became my true recognition…

No ones perfect…

Not even YOU!

Remember that before you criticize someones life…

How they write…

If you only knew…

The undernourished emotional trauma he’s been through…

This man….

Loose Screws

(A oldie right here)

 

Discarded…

Brave hearted…

A combination of Wellbutrin and dilaudid…

If I was ever your target you missed…

I’m heavily bothered…

Disconnected from life like your phone charger…

Pardon me…

Fuck it…

Why call her…

Like a poor man turned robber…

Screaming, crying inside like your new born daughter…

A lingering life of violence that wont move with out a starter…

A hovering presence of death that stays behind me like a stalker…

One thing that I hate in life is a loud talker…

Go head and get your gun boy so I can finish what you started…

You just broke…

Didn’t ask for help…

Now you starving…

I rose  from the bottom of the trash can in the streets like a bag of garbage…

Don’t get aggravated with me lady…

I promise…

I wont harm him…

If he ever swerves out of his lane again…

I’ll correct him like a problem…

Eventually if you keep throwing rocks at a humble giant for to long…

You will be dearly departed…

War is for the wolves not sheep…

You’re a grown ass man….

When you go get dutch’s and cigarettes from the corner store…

You still get carded…

You still wet behind the ears…

Me…

I’m just discarded…

SORRY MAMA BUT I’M GOING FEDERAL

(Yet another shitty oldie)

 

 

 

I’m tired of living where the sun never shines…

 

 

 

where the birds are afraid to chirp in the morning…

 

 

 

Where the bad things only get worst…

 

 

 

No hope at all….

 

 

 

I’m tired of where I live…

 

 

 

It’s dangerous and filled with drug addicts, teenage killers and rapist…

 

 

 

God save us…

 

 

 

I’m tired of coming home to the same things…

 

 

 

Six people in a two bed room apartment…

 

 

 

My hopes and dream claustrophobic…

 

 

 

Constricted boa by negativitys limited possibility’s…

 

 
I’m 12 years old…

 

 

 

I’m starving…

 

 

 

I’m tired of eating all this instant ramen…

 

 

 

Left over cheese stakes and greasy fries…

 

 

 

Fried chicken boxes from the corner store…

 

 

 

That’s all my mother could afford…

 

 

 

I’m tired of sharing my clothes with my brothers…

 

 

 

Stealing socks out of there bags…

 

 

 

Mine weren’t clean…

 

 

 

Also I was down to my last pair…

 

 
I’m tired of going to the market with my mother…

 

 

 

Getting items that later…

 

 

 

To put some items back…

 

 

 

Mom said we could afford them…

 

 

 

We couldn’t!

 

 

 

So back on the shelf they before we go go.

 

 

 

I’m tired of the other kids laughing at my clothes…

 

 

 

Them old hand me downs from a different time zone…

 

 

 

I’ll show them later on!

 

 

 

Not to laugh at me!

 

 

 

I’m tired of being broke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being everyones joke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being against the ropes…

 

 

 

The ropes of poverty…

 

 

 

I’m tired of living grimy…

 

 

 

I’m tired of crying silently…

 

 

 

Lights out!!

 

 

 

Bills piling!

 

 

 

Our stomachs growling…

 

 

 

Mom crying!

 

 

 

Shes getting tired of trying…

 

 

 

Violence in the worst timing…

 

 

 

Trying not to start robbing…

 

 

 

Trying to live righteous…

 

 

 

I coax with family members…

 

 

 

Get me life insurance…

 

 

 

Debating with them about life inequity…

 

 

 

With bad pictures of the past…

 

 

 

There were no perfect pictures at all…

 

 

 

So as I get older…

 

 

 

I saw that its time for me to take risks…

 

 

 

For better picks…

 

 

 

Please pray for me ma ma…

 

 

 

I’m going federal this year…

 

 

 

No more tears…