“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

Where The Grown leaks

Boyyy!

It’s some secrets in that
Grass filled nut cluster.
Only place in the City
With those many agonising.
Fuss over those plasma gases,
Erupting. The remaining broken
dreams. I’m sorry……….

For all those secrets to
Whom I was a major resident…
Of…

Seen more and, more broken
Dreams piled up in my memories…
I’m sorry…

I’m sorry that I had no compassion.
Iron wounds room, rounds, half fumigated.
can still smell the faces. The secrets…
Dribbled to dabbled.
From some grapes to raisins….

From Billboards new state
where some secrets were staged..
Loved ones missing days.
Months of sleep.

Imagine how that hard dirt felt
Keep secrets yet… Only
Those of them became worthy. the grounds creepier states… Of mind…

No capability, lack there
Of Santa’s gifts.
So many secrets
Sooooo so many secrets
That those dirty dandelions
Wanted to tell…

Even if those ugly weeds
could…

They’d become a secret to…
One of a promised action
Without the need for
Currency.

Sooo many secrets in my
Dreams!  They’ll Rome forever.
I’m good at keeping
Our giant show time secrets
for you….

No matter what…

Vanished!

Black Merc 0202-0-16

Lately I’ve been

drifting.

My old structure

of strict militant ways.

Don’t know how

long before.

I’ll be consumed

by the flames.

The past be the

past.

Glued stuck to my frustrated

psyche.

Being bound to

something worst.

Confused that sometimes

the worst deeds can set you

Free.

Mind filthy, rotting away off

The bones of my

decaying last good memories.

Life’s snap shots of

seconds of smiles and laughter.

Then Jokes become

sloppy.

The laughter becomes

annoying.

Reality kicks into

Dissipated smiles.

The heart is distantly

colder like a halleys Comet.

As I rapidly forget short

Small numbers and sentences.

I won’t die…

I’m dieing slowly along

the way.

Experiencing that first hand

failure to control crashing

Into ashes.

Warped feelings overdosed, lusting

for violence and gun powdery

children’s cereal.

Maybe inching instantly

towards a whole

solid insanity plea.

Watching humans devour there

nurturers and there nurtured.

A thick book deal guide through

corruption, scams,

set ups and confusion.

More and more I

Aggressively drift back

into that.

Predictably same facial

expression that never changes.

No matter the emotion, excitement

Happyness of whatever

Joy is.

My face will always look

The exact same.

My face stays stuck trying

to comprehend.

Why everyone looks

at me like I’m a stone.

Maybe I am one to

Think of.

I fail the try outs…

Then become more

upset that I pathetically try to hard.

Or is just never close

To enough.

All humans are born with

A heart’s worth of emotions.

Yes that is fact…

What do you call a human

That has to program there self to?

Feel it….

Or know when to receive it…

Reciprocate it in a way to

Trust the other.

Note that it’s not always

Out to break you or kill you.

From the inside out…

I feel less and less emotions

like when I was younger.

My emotions are plumiting

Stocks all over again.

A very bad investment…

Back to who I was not

supposed to been.

The rebirth of chaos is

about to began.

I can feel it..

It’s me…

I am chaos…

The second coming…

Is on the way…

Free Us…

So we will be one with our former self…

The form of a poker face…

Dead from With in…

The Black Mercury……..

Beep Beep Beep! Beep Beep Beep!

Teeth rotting silently sensually dangerous.

Running through my system like love boat, wet angel dust.

I unfastened my eyes open.

Sounds of my cell phones vibrating dance.

A punch of adrenaline courses it’s self through out my body’s vains.

I saw your number and photo pop up on the screen.

I got dressed in your heat for me.

Wearing you like a cursed marked cloak.

Invisible!

Envisions of the general enimies that you spoke.

From your tone of voice.

I separate myself.

No more fuck ups or slip ups when your around.

Sensitivity that I seldom produced

You’ve admired wanting to be solid like me.

No feeling…

No pulse…

I hope you never switch up your diet for me dinning on me.

My eardrums play a song.

Dieing to here your vocals everytime you ghost whispered my name out.

I love you…

I need you…

No!!

Never no seperation…

Lord give me the patients…

From day one I never thought of you as a stranger…

Loving you…

Loving you…

Loving you…

Stays my only life gaurd…

Besides burners…

Remember…

“Put those down!”

You said…

“Pick me up!”

“Squeeze my trigger instead” …

You said….

“Check the ripeness of my forbidden fruit”…

You said…

“I’m still alive”…

You…

Said….