Salt and Mud

You left me stranded

So I drowned in
Gun fire, Jack Daniels
And 40oz”s

Drama, flying saucers
Bullets lost in
brick walls

Lodged

In house furniture
Sold out slugs

Copper tops tree top
Pirus

Cookie cutters

My Dimu called
Them bookie
Butters

Like he
Had a speech
Impediment

Thats just Blood
edicate

Raised hell
A bit

To intelligent

In a cell a bit

Letters never
Sent never
Touched

like
They were
Celabate

You
Never sent
A letter back

The child
That was once
Beaten blue

Brused for
For nothing

By you

Clutching a belt
Shaped as a “U”

Ungrateful
And unfaithful like
Samson

So

I stay absent

Like you

Oh Catastrophic

“Oh Catastrophic”

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

I’m far beyond your reality…
Irritated response comes off as hatred…
Naw…
I just hate being me…
My mind comes off as vacancy…
It’s just a rundown trap house…

It’s just so full…
Of many things like raging pain in tall viles suffering, sins, stress and struggling…

To comprehend this life…
This fowl bitch ain’t for us…
It’s only designed for them…

You don’t think like me…
Move like me…
Get tired of trying to prove like me…

Stuck in quick sands open belly…
Up to the neck barely breathing…
Stop!
Don’t make a camp fire out of my…
Forest fire….

You ain’t me…

I’m not you…

My face looks like it’s stuck on violent… When it’s stuck on problems…
Ones that can’t be solved in…
A hard back dictionary…
Clinging to nonfictinary…

Why must I fight myself to end…
As a quotation after the exlimation…

Mark…

I struggle like no other…
Like a failed mission or a unfinished… Kitchen…
Black droors without utensils…
I’m tense all over…
In every sense…
Back tured counter clockwise from happiness…

Fuck it…

Exhaustion…

Stop breathing…

A nobody…

Will only be my legacy…

No one notices as human…
Us!

So they can’t miss who or what they never perceive…

Incurable…

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

Heart Attack

Concealed the feelings I have for you…

Just like you wanted me to…

 

Feelings don’t matter when war is envolved…

This war I feel I can’t solve…

 

Do I give up on what I want?

Do I let go of who I know?

 

Is this a lesson or some trick?

To see how long I can hold out on this…

 

Will I just give up…

Or just let it be what it is…

 

I can want…

All I want…

 

What I want…

Will never want me…

 

So honestly…

I choose to move on quietly…

 

 

Quiet walk back to where I stared. All those months ago. I know I actually don’t deserve a chance. Chasing after a chance will only make your white shoes dirty. Your love I want to be my dietary supplement. Fuck it! It’s been to damn long…

So what do I do?

Stay in pain…

Rejected…

Or do I move on….

In your quilitys…

If I’m not worth it to you….

Then I’m gone…

 

Till no view……