“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

Oh Catastrophic

“Oh Catastrophic”

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

I’m far beyond your reality…
Irritated response comes off as hatred…
Naw…
I just hate being me…
My mind comes off as vacancy…
It’s just a rundown trap house…

It’s just so full…
Of many things like raging pain in tall viles suffering, sins, stress and struggling…

To comprehend this life…
This fowl bitch ain’t for us…
It’s only designed for them…

You don’t think like me…
Move like me…
Get tired of trying to prove like me…

Stuck in quick sands open belly…
Up to the neck barely breathing…
Stop!
Don’t make a camp fire out of my…
Forest fire….

You ain’t me…

I’m not you…

My face looks like it’s stuck on violent… When it’s stuck on problems…
Ones that can’t be solved in…
A hard back dictionary…
Clinging to nonfictinary…

Why must I fight myself to end…
As a quotation after the exlimation…

Mark…

I struggle like no other…
Like a failed mission or a unfinished… Kitchen…
Black droors without utensils…
I’m tense all over…
In every sense…
Back tured counter clockwise from happiness…

Fuck it…

Exhaustion…

Stop breathing…

A nobody…

Will only be my legacy…

No one notices as human…
Us!

So they can’t miss who or what they never perceive…

Incurable…

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

Black Merc 0202-0-16

Lately I’ve been

drifting.

My old structure

of strict militant ways.

Don’t know how

long before.

I’ll be consumed

by the flames.

The past be the

past.

Glued stuck to my frustrated

psyche.

Being bound to

something worst.

Confused that sometimes

the worst deeds can set you

Free.

Mind filthy, rotting away off

The bones of my

decaying last good memories.

Life’s snap shots of

seconds of smiles and laughter.

Then Jokes become

sloppy.

The laughter becomes

annoying.

Reality kicks into

Dissipated smiles.

The heart is distantly

colder like a halleys Comet.

As I rapidly forget short

Small numbers and sentences.

I won’t die…

I’m dieing slowly along

the way.

Experiencing that first hand

failure to control crashing

Into ashes.

Warped feelings overdosed, lusting

for violence and gun powdery

children’s cereal.

Maybe inching instantly

towards a whole

solid insanity plea.

Watching humans devour there

nurturers and there nurtured.

A thick book deal guide through

corruption, scams,

set ups and confusion.

More and more I

Aggressively drift back

into that.

Predictably same facial

expression that never changes.

No matter the emotion, excitement

Happyness of whatever

Joy is.

My face will always look

The exact same.

My face stays stuck trying

to comprehend.

Why everyone looks

at me like I’m a stone.

Maybe I am one to

Think of.

I fail the try outs…

Then become more

upset that I pathetically try to hard.

Or is just never close

To enough.

All humans are born with

A heart’s worth of emotions.

Yes that is fact…

What do you call a human

That has to program there self to?

Feel it….

Or know when to receive it…

Reciprocate it in a way to

Trust the other.

Note that it’s not always

Out to break you or kill you.

From the inside out…

I feel less and less emotions

like when I was younger.

My emotions are plumiting

Stocks all over again.

A very bad investment…

Back to who I was not

supposed to been.

The rebirth of chaos is

about to began.

I can feel it..

It’s me…

I am chaos…

The second coming…

Is on the way…

Free Us…

So we will be one with our former self…

The form of a poker face…

Dead from With in…

The Black Mercury……..

Hand Out The Dirt

Over the hill…

I through the black cat…

Picking flames…

Off four leaf clovers…

I don’t believe in…

What the majority sees…

I reject clues…

I already seen sketches…

I see things that most look through…

 

Strychnine sipping…

Tilting over…

It’s not strong enough…

To make visions Dissappear…

 

I’m soo dead…

I’m soo fed up…

I don’t give up…

I never give in…

Segregated my thoughts…

From my actions…

 

I talk through plastic…

My eyes…

Bodies of blood…

Cold ice froze the plasma…

He died from a homicide…

The blood on his coat stuck to his face…

 

Rigamortis…

Tought me…

That…

It will never go away…

Waiting for me…

Waiting for my day…

 

When the dawn…

Closes and seals…

My horror…

In face…

 

5 Billion Flukes

Moorsh…

I morn for hisses…

That use to try to snake me…

I’m on to ya…

For my safty…

 

A whole in my chests vortex…

My cerebral cortex is dieing…

 

“For asphyxiation…”

 

I Can’t die

I see…

For torture the almighty won’t let me…

 

As a kid I…

Suffered watching everyone leave me…

 

“Times changed…¬†”

“I’ve grown…”

 

Dad gone…

Mom gone…

No friends…

If I let you in…

Either your family…

Slash associate…

 

Never have I ever lived legitimately…

Never who I ever knew was…

 

80s baby…

Maybe baby…

I never ever even got to be a son…

 

That’s probably why…

I don’t have one…

I’ve done it all…

 

“Shorrty lo…”

 

I never raped…

No pedophilia…

Or ever lied to people I love…

Never will I…

 

loyalist…

Is my giftedness…

For real…

 

One day if I self distruct…

I can get tranquilized…

Sent to a place for the…

Criminology of my insaine…

Never to be seen…

Again…

Where Its peaceful again…

 

Living out my days of never being…

Nobodys mistreated…

Mechanical engineers…

No matter how much people smile…

Telling you they care…

 

“Narcissism…”

 

Is the blindness…

That¬† most people think there real…

Loyalty is translation into fake…

 

“These blue days…”

 

Thrown around by words of escape…

Mostly…

By the millennials of today…

Who has never experienced life…

Or love…

For them selves of enyway…

They just observe what the see…

Afraid that it will be them…

 

True or not…

I have to stop…

No more letting in…

For opposits on out…

I told them In 1999….

 

“You can’t handle me now!!”

 

I was the family mistake…

When I started fighting back…

Some how…

 

I’m like a rebound for conversing…

Most people are in a relationship…

They dont even no how…

Most people have or a spouse…

They don’t even no why…

 

I’m not your problem solver…

Just because I listen to there trails…

 

Talk to him/ her…

Your priest or judge…

 

Keep me out your thoughts…

So I can live in mine…

 

With out marathons… Of the same old thing… Old things never broken… Now I will break the cycling… The back peddling…

 

I’m solid with these words…

Tattooed on my spine…

In black widow venom…

Sorry…

Not sorry…

No more will I be this victim…

I’m just truly hurt by never beens…

Who never can………………..

I’m shield myself…

From turning violent…

Long dividing My everything…

What I see as…

Never was…

 

Privicy is platinum…

Mind you business and tend to yours…..