“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

To Sock a Cucumbers

Life is a scrimmage
Getting ready to pull
Out….

pop! pop! pop!
Tendencies!

Non stop!

How to shoot
Then lay low from!

Your brutality!

Like hiding a stain
On gradma couch…

You cant!

You know
She going to
Find it!

As you do!

The word already
Got out!

For the law to
Come get you!

You better hope
They find you…

Before the streets
Do!

Your shoes
In the dumpster…

What did your
feet do!

Your crew is
a qazine
Best served
With
Info…

Ya…

Your real
thorough…

So you stand on
Your ten
toes comfortable!

Remember
You will always
Reap!

The sewing
Machines of
Other Dumbfounders
Like you!

Found when!

Family can’t
Guide you
Or hide you!

You’ve
Broken the very
Definition of…

what
It means to
be a real gangster…

For one…

Family always
Comes first!

You run to help
Your community
To breath!

Those in need!

Don’t take from
Someone doing
Just as bad as
you!

If you going
To do it…

Steal from
The system’s
Branch corporate
theives!

Ain’t no honors
Amongst black
theives!

Any theives!

Come together like
Gum under your
shoes…

You broken the
Rules…

Roc a bye baby…

There was no soon
For you…

Oh No’s

I can honestly say that.
I’m seriously indecisive.

Yet,
when I fully commit to
something or someone.
it can become a crisis.
The hardest critic is myself.
Yes it’s true.

Various mental issues
that plague my view.
Getting Tangled in past unpaid
Dues.

I’m realising that the same
People who try instilling positivity.
Are Condoning these new ways.
To be offended By people. Who don’t understand there offending you.

Fuck! I’m tired!
Fuck you and ya mama!
I can’t stand humans and there
phony mottos to live by but won’t
Die by what there trying to
Live for.

Falsified explanations.. excuses why not to do this Or say that.
Why not to believe in this or that.
The blind lead the blind mah’ fucka!
Don’t you believe in that.

Just because it sounds like it’s true don’t mean that it’s right.
Like being in a relationship and your partner believes. Every
Thing they single friend says is right.

Right?!
Bitch Wrong!
I’m so far beyond your
comprehension that.
I already know the shit y’all be on.
Next time I take advice. It will be
from the earth, not a pilgrim.

What lives matter?
Shut the fuck up!
Those white folk had
Me facing 40yrs plus! for defending
Myself!

Shut up!
Let me finish!
I say this right here!
I “Mr Thomas” solidly, solemnly swear I will never write about
Love and old love affairs.
Till the earth burns on its axis and explodes. from
Global warming ignored.

Atlest I know I wont be the only
Person to burn in a hell. Ain’t no
Self-defense laws for negros.
For the record………
Fuck you all I’m already dead!
Lol!
Fuck the love you know
If it’s true love you never had.

Life….. Or…… Death…..

A Man Or A Test Subject….

Sometimes…

I wanna cry…

I’m not suicidal…

I juse want to die…

 

I can’t adjust…

My time on this earth…

Has been used up…

 

I want to fight…

That’s all I know…

I was 20 years old…

When I seen…

A boy 16 years old…

 

Get 77 years…

For robbing a store…

It hurt me…

That the judge didnt…

Even want to hear his story…

 

Some years later…

He killed him self…

He just wasn’t strong enough…

Grown ass men…

looking tough in the pen…

when lights out at…

10 pm…

 

You can hear the cries…

Of a mans faults…

I remember being beaten…

buy correctional officers…

Yelling out…

“Give me more!”

Bloody and torn…

 

They all fucked up…

They didn’t know…

The ties I had…

At my personal order…

More and more…

 

When I close my eyes…

I’m thoroughly haunted…

Not by killing and destruction…

Just never having a chance to be…

Someone…

 

Shot down from woman. Shot down by jobs. Can’t leave the state. fucking with Porole and probation officers. Can’t do simple things. All my life I was a shop of horror…….

So I say fuck the world!

“That’s my quote for you all ta…!”

 

Freeze Tag With Cold Blood Vessels

“The greatest love of all”!

A song that replays over and over in my mind till this day.  Never thinking that I would be alive to say. Times then we’re unimaginably rugged. Counting prayer beads. One by one around my hand between my fingers till I felt clean. Loading up a sawn off twelve gage. There is no need to know the rest. Day by day exploding inner stress turned to P. T. S. D.

Unfitting with vowels like A’s. Always living a Z to them… Trying to be an A was not the way for me in those days. Even turning the blind narcoleptic women into a sharp shooter. So her defense is Never penitrated by any cruel man or any savage women. Love doesn’t live behind these walls only the scared. Violation of snakes turning into what they eat. Like rabbits that run and rats with cut out tongues.

Becoming what is in there blood born a snake confused of who’s predator or prey. Tag! Your it! Cops search my car never even asking for license or registration. Planted drugs punching me in my face leaving a trail of blood dripping drying up on my white T shirt. It was summer time 2007 or 08. I’m sorry… Life’s picnics and cookouts. Falling in love with the women of my dream there. Left me less options to have loved someone.

Or anyone…

I…

Just…

Fell…

For…

The greatest love of all…

Vendetta money growing revenge!