Oh Catastrophic

“Oh Catastrophic”

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

I’m far beyond your reality…
Irritated response comes off as hatred…
Naw…
I just hate being me…
My mind comes off as vacancy…
It’s just a rundown trap house…

It’s just so full…
Of many things like raging pain in tall viles suffering, sins, stress and struggling…

To comprehend this life…
This fowl bitch ain’t for us…
It’s only designed for them…

You don’t think like me…
Move like me…
Get tired of trying to prove like me…

Stuck in quick sands open belly…
Up to the neck barely breathing…
Stop!
Don’t make a camp fire out of my…
Forest fire….

You ain’t me…

I’m not you…

My face looks like it’s stuck on violent… When it’s stuck on problems…
Ones that can’t be solved in…
A hard back dictionary…
Clinging to nonfictinary…

Why must I fight myself to end…
As a quotation after the exlimation…

Mark…

I struggle like no other…
Like a failed mission or a unfinished… Kitchen…
Black droors without utensils…
I’m tense all over…
In every sense…
Back tured counter clockwise from happiness…

Fuck it…

Exhaustion…

Stop breathing…

A nobody…

Will only be my legacy…

No one notices as human…
Us!

So they can’t miss who or what they never perceive…

Incurable…

“Like us !”

Don’t dress how we use to.
Don’t keep our self up like we use to.
Don’t do things like we use to.

This is beyond depression…
Inside spirit a hollow oak tree…
Bound to a ships…
Anchor…

War inside…
No choice but to survive…
They all suggested instead…
That I…
Instead of just listing to I…
“Everybody feels like this sometimes…”
Is what’s been said

Like yoga and breathing technology will be the end all…
Please shut the fuck up!
This can’t be helped…
Sedate me…
With A mega dose…

Schizophrenia In A Young Gunner

I fell off… No more who you are or who you used to be. Now it’s just you and me. Reincarnation! Lies! Don’t ever believe that  old things never happened! Cleaning up the mess of our selves we left…. Whole  lot of blood….

Blood kisses that stayed under discretion. I’ve impregnated minds that I was crazy as hell! I heard hell is hot. Eyes attached to my trigger finger. Held a cold ass heart.

Our hearts… We acually love who we use to be. NO! YOU LOVED WHO WE USE TO BE! All the money! A powerful pool boy cleaning out weak images. I was clean…. I took good care of myself!  You would have thought that we acually were raised by a happy family. You and me…..

Power they hid in our respect! Your not my conscience.  We are one! Never ever lowering  are selves to desrespect! Showing love to my loved ones. Even the back stabbing ones I seen comming.

These are not fucking memoirs! These are priceless heirlooms of my fathers father’s father’s father’s…

Deeeeeep down in the caves of our hearts. You will find a gasolinebreak. That is ready to explode…

I’ve changed! From all of that! Yet… fealing like we still fell off…

You and I…

 

Chinese Dragon Fan

All these medz got me on zombie mode. Playing music from “The Shinning” in mind…

2001…

“Heres Johnny!”

With a loaded mac 10. On the way, All the way off todays evil from tomorrow’s….

It was “hell razing!”

“Children Of The Corn!”

Children that weren’t even mine. The last canned corn in the cabinet with the broken door hinges…

“CAN I GET A DOLLAR FOR THE CORNER STORE?”

Get a job!

Naw here’s a five… keep the change… Things changed after he never came back home…

So…

Young…

So…

Brave…

Before he layed…

I no he put up a good fight…

Times! Where hard to come by. I was the one always asking what day was it. So I just said fuck it.

2003…

New years eve was a massacre… I found a cross that was on a dead mans chest. I took it. kissed it then said a prayer. I placed it on his head. Dragged him behind the car…

Cover fire….

I lost…

2005

The following holocausts turned hell into a theme parks! My body stronger! No one takes my kindness for weakness no more!

I’ll deminish black hearts, in a demonstration. Writing my declaration in violent tendencies…

Deep…

Down…

I didn’t want to be! They just kept fucking with me… Police, fiends with short money, grimy fools, bullets with my name on them dipped in piss water… Girls that only want you for your dollers not making sence or the respect you got….

Going crazy!

Another P.T.S.D. fit….

One I couldn’t come back to reality from…

That always reminds me why….

I…

Take 7 types of medicine….

I’m unhappy………..

 

 

Brand New #4

(No matter what)

I come first before others!

No one’s feelings matter but my own!

I’m not going to communicate back at all!

I want that person to always think there in the wrong!

I want you to hear my voice only when I’m making you feel dumb!

See…

I hate you only because I’m not you and as strong as you are!

I hate you because I hate myself!

I’ll never tell you that though…

I’d rather give you the run around!

Then to show you love!

I’ll never tell you that!

I’ll just silently make you look and feel bad…

Why?!

Because I’m selfish!!!😈👉💔

……………………..

Awhhhhh Shit Chris!! You done started some shit hear! So the fuck what….

lol!

What do I have to lose when I’m already a two time loser… Naw… I just think alot of people now or days need to listen more then they talk before they put a good man or women down…

Now you managed to make someone that is already mentally at there low… The thing is that… This type of person needs more love then most.

Put downs!

Insults!

Bitter behavior!

Cuz this or that person never really communicates much of calls… Now maybe if you werent so selfish! You would pick up the phone and communicate with him or her. Text or calling…

See!

You never no what that other person is suffering from. Even though they conceal there problems and you dont. Just because this person is not a big talker. Doesn’t mean they are not dieing inside and as strong as you think on the inside.

Now let’s just use me for an example….

I’m not ashamed to say I have a multitude of mental health issues. Bottom line is I’m sick. But some people hear it but never take it in consideration. They just don’t under stand you or why you do what you do. They don’t even look at you as ill…

Now…  I only talk to a hand full or people. I feel like only one of those people really understand me. I don’t believe in friendship but this one person would be the true definition of a friend even though we don’t communicate much. We both have a life and responsibilities.

But when I talk to this person. I just feel the strongest connection that I’ve ever felt between enyone. I have alot of love for this person. But when I don’t call it’s not that I’m not thinking of the person. It’s just that I could be in the worst position mentally or even physically.

I’ve never ever been a selfish person. Every body that knows me completely. They no that all I do is give and respect those who respect me. I’ve looked out for whole neighborhoods…

Shit!

I got brothers and sisters that I only talk two once or twice a year.. They know  I love them and they know I’ll die for them. They all respect me for that. They know I mean well. They no I’m more phisical then mental. All these people I mentioned. They have my best intrest. They understand me… They simply listen more then they talk.