“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

Two Deadly Yet Equal A True Lovers Pastence

“A Throw Back From 2017″

 

 

The Real Bonnie and Clyde…

The untold story…

Me and her were two bullets in a chamber of a 9mm. Never jamming the gun. She sat on the bed yelling to the kids running late for school. “Lets make it!”making them move faster before they left out the house.

I was on the floor with my back to the bed right by her feet. Caramel skinned complexion toes I wanted to bite. I sat on the floor counting money and putting it in the laundry basket so I can get ready to leave. She knew I still had beef with the guys up the street. They all knew that this little lady was just as tough and as dangerous as me.

She sat on the bed humming the song she likes. Loading a machine bullet after bullet. Placing each one slowly in the clip with a Newport cigarette at the end of her lips dropping ashes on the tattoo on her hip. Burgundy bandana tied around her head and a burgundy bandana around the back of the barrel next to the trigger.

God! She was as thorough as they came. My true equal finally I’ve met my match. I got up and through my burgundy and black North face jacket on. Before leaving out of the spot she looked at me with her hazel eyes with a sad expression on her face and said. “Daddy be careful out there because you know it’s hot.”

I replied back saying. “Not as hot as you are lamb chop, please make sure you hold down the spot.” she said to me. “Just call me if something goes wrong and I’ll pop up and spray the damn block up.” She would with no conscience to… I said back to her after giving her a kiss on the lips. “Don’t worry about me babe I got this thing on lock”

I was 23 and she was 27 and I kept a burgundy bandana folded up in my back right pocket with her Nick name on it….

In

Those

Days

We

Were

The

Real

Bonnie

And

Clyde…..

There is a very real untold story behind this…..

Limbo

(My verry first post)

 

Times are hard…

The only thing that keeps me going is warm blood and cold steel.

My life is complicated!

My days are darker than a solar eclipse slowly covering the moon of my life.

Until darkness…

I drink to get sleep!

I drink to forget!

Drugs now just ware off quick!

Time is suspended…

Lord forgive me for I have sinned to survive!

I will never have any regrets!

Slow me down with physical pain.

My tears will stain the concrete like blood in a dim lit hallways…

Blood stain on the sofa cushions!

Blood stains almost everywhere that there was a short story!

A battle!

I will never forget those days of war for peace.

To only loose peace of mind through my eyes!

Violence soaked in gasoline…

I find the defendant guilty of being misguided, savage and blind…

I received the chair!

Love me or kill me!

I have wounds that will never heal…

The world to me is one giant grave yard!

Me six feet deep…

Day by day…

SAVE ME!

I’m only what America made me…

I still live by faith holding my crucifix tightly in my hand…

With a stone grip!

Money still grows from hell’s tree leaves.

Hands that have roads on palms…

Hard like prison doors.

Autographed by powder burns from last night…

Sincerely time will tell!

This city is soulless undergone reruns that won’t end!

The days are interminable…

I watch a show of purgatory up to its highest volume!

Kill or be killed!

Another black male enslaved by his own funeral service…

People acting like they care with there crocodile tears…

falling to the grass…

Ashes to ashes…

Dust to dust…

How many of us will go next?

Forget justice!

Justice is just us…

Genocide from people in blue uniforms!

Am I dying or am I dead?

I can’t tell anymore…

I can’t dwell anymore…

My pain and suffering…

Just kill me already!

She loves me…

She loves me not…

She loves me…

She loves me not…

Then she pulled the trigger…

Aiming at my own heart!

Shooting me down!

Fuck it all!

Laugh out loud!

In their eyes…

we are a joke to them…

Examples will be made in this soulless parade…

SPEECHLESS!!!

WORDS HURT AND BULLETS DON’T, I’M ON A MENTAL ABUSE STRIKE

(A Oldiiiieee)

 

I just came to believe that words can kill. Negative criticism sucks!

I try to act like what people say doesn’t bother me. Truthfully it does.

I cant lie in hordes to myself! Hold my head high!

The things people can say can crush you! Before you even know you’ve been tarnished!

Laugh off insults… You know what I mean!

When some one says something mean to you in a joking way. You just sit there and laugh it off.

Knowing it just put a bullet hole in you. The mental scares that words can open.

One that no Band-Aid or gauze can cover up.

Sealing up the wound. I found out that…

Even when people so called joke with you.

It hurts…

Let’s face it!

There is always some truth in a joke. Like a drunk persons quotes.

I just laugh it off though. When really I want to get angry snapping on the inside!

I’m way weaker than I ever thought… I really don’t care what people say about me.

Who am I kidding words hurt!
You don’t understand the damage.

You don’t have to hit me or shoot me to hurt me… You don’t have to talk about my problems out loud like its a big joke…

You don’t have to smile and laugh at my discomfort… Stop and think before you say something to someone!

STOP!

THINK!

BEFORE YOU HURT SOMEONES FEELINGS!

STOP!

THINK!

If I get mad… Then all of the sudden…

I’m the bad guy! You don’t even realize you made me this way!

All because you wanted to so called make jokes. Well Im not joking!

I’m not fucking laughing! So miss me with your weak jokes!

horrible quotes!
Miss me I quote…

Miss..

Me…

SORRY MAMA BUT I’M GOING FEDERAL

(Yet another shitty oldie)

 

 

 

I’m tired of living where the sun never shines…

 

 

 

where the birds are afraid to chirp in the morning…

 

 

 

Where the bad things only get worst…

 

 

 

No hope at all….

 

 

 

I’m tired of where I live…

 

 

 

It’s dangerous and filled with drug addicts, teenage killers and rapist…

 

 

 

God save us…

 

 

 

I’m tired of coming home to the same things…

 

 

 

Six people in a two bed room apartment…

 

 

 

My hopes and dream claustrophobic…

 

 

 

Constricted boa by negativitys limited possibility’s…

 

 
I’m 12 years old…

 

 

 

I’m starving…

 

 

 

I’m tired of eating all this instant ramen…

 

 

 

Left over cheese stakes and greasy fries…

 

 

 

Fried chicken boxes from the corner store…

 

 

 

That’s all my mother could afford…

 

 

 

I’m tired of sharing my clothes with my brothers…

 

 

 

Stealing socks out of there bags…

 

 

 

Mine weren’t clean…

 

 

 

Also I was down to my last pair…

 

 
I’m tired of going to the market with my mother…

 

 

 

Getting items that later…

 

 

 

To put some items back…

 

 

 

Mom said we could afford them…

 

 

 

We couldn’t!

 

 

 

So back on the shelf they before we go go.

 

 

 

I’m tired of the other kids laughing at my clothes…

 

 

 

Them old hand me downs from a different time zone…

 

 

 

I’ll show them later on!

 

 

 

Not to laugh at me!

 

 

 

I’m tired of being broke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being everyones joke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being against the ropes…

 

 

 

The ropes of poverty…

 

 

 

I’m tired of living grimy…

 

 

 

I’m tired of crying silently…

 

 

 

Lights out!!

 

 

 

Bills piling!

 

 

 

Our stomachs growling…

 

 

 

Mom crying!

 

 

 

Shes getting tired of trying…

 

 

 

Violence in the worst timing…

 

 

 

Trying not to start robbing…

 

 

 

Trying to live righteous…

 

 

 

I coax with family members…

 

 

 

Get me life insurance…

 

 

 

Debating with them about life inequity…

 

 

 

With bad pictures of the past…

 

 

 

There were no perfect pictures at all…

 

 

 

So as I get older…

 

 

 

I saw that its time for me to take risks…

 

 

 

For better picks…

 

 

 

Please pray for me ma ma…

 

 

 

I’m going federal this year…

 

 

 

No more tears…

DESPAIR IS MY NAME

(A older one)

 

I got to get this off my chest…

All the rage I bare in me…

They won’t accept me for me from first site…

why?

I’m already feel guilty…

From my past…

I changed…

Only to be back at square one…

A loaded gun to my head!

Is what you gave me!

Pulled the trigger on my hopes attached to dreams!

I still feel like I’m running through the woods…

Trying to escape my former masters from enslavement…

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

You’ve closed the window’s on my fingers…

You shut the doors in my face…

So what am I suppose to do?

How will I live?

How will I support myself?

My family…

I’m hungry at night…

Do I starve?

Waiting for a hand out…

Or do I take action?

What do I do?

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

This treadmill of lies!

Promising me change!

Change for Better living!

Its all just a sham!

Don’t believe it!

Politicians!

Whatever!

Heath care!

Forget about it!

Social security!

Don’t make me laugh…

Spit on your shoes!

 

 

DESPAIR IS MY NAME!

 

I SURRENDER

(Oldie right here)

 

 

I surrender…

Speed I need!

Running and running jumping fence after fence!

My shirt got caught on the gate!

Dogs barking, police sirens, helicopters circling, hovering low with search lights in the sky!

As I try to accumulate speed!

I need more air!

The wind has been knocked out of me by five black boots!

Shining chain link badges!

Standing over me in my face!

I taste blood in my mouth!

Salty, irony, gritty blood!

It’s over…

After I regain consciousness!

I opened my eyes…

I see sharp dressed suite to a tee standing in front of me…

While I lay on a hospital bed…

Inquisitions fly at me at top speed!

They realize two days later that it was mistaking identity…

Not even a apology…

Only hand cuffs taken off me…

Even a huge hospital bill…

WHY ME!?

P.T.S.D

(One of my favs oldies)

 

 

It’s only one of me…

I’ll fight all ten of y’all!

I can’t think!

Anger brewing tattooing a image of bruises on you!

I don’t even know why I am so mean sometimes…

Why I have bad dreams, flash backs of bullets coming threw my wind shield!

The life of my passenger taken…

Lord have mercy!

Rest in peace!

Your enemy has taken a permanent nap!

Don’t like my book…

CLOSE IT!

You think you tougher than me…

SHOW IT!

The only person I fear is the man in the mirror!

No big words twists turns or metaphors…

Just true facts intact…

Verbally waterboarding you to death…

A mind that seen know Christmas or thanksgivings!

With family members!

Just fist fights!

Small iron battles in the middle of the streets!

Cold prison sentences…

23 and 1… 24/7

With no nice bed sheets or throw pillows…

So what does life mean to you!?

Mine is a constant fight for survival!

Post traumatic stress disorder is my only friends and family….

Distant Hearts

(Another oldie)

 

Love was never easy to keep for a guy like me.

I was always In the hood ready for war.

Outside with boots laced ten toes down.

Your lips whenever you would smile.

All I wanted to see.

Even If It was for one last time.

If I could see you face to face right now.

I would pull you so close to me!

Wrap my arms around your waist!

Pick you up in the sky!

Then kiss your soft moist lips.

Priceless were those times.

I spent with you.

Oh how brief they were yet unforgettable.

I knew you were the one for me!

I was also one with the streets.

I can remember when I went on that iron vacation up north.

It was cold…

I was lonely…

Yearning for your affection…

Your letters to me…

I would read over and over…

That was enough for me!

That was all I needed!

Thank you for caring!

Your last letter…

The lowest day of my life…

Dead I was Inside…

At the same time…

I was understanding to your needs.

Wants that I couldn’t give to you.

My circumstances…

I still remember your last words…

“I’m sorry.”

I was alone once again.

I didn’t cry though…

I promise you…

I just started reading more eating, gaining weight and exercising!

To get you out of my head…

Time passed…

I came home with nothing but a screaming hole in my heart…

I never saw or herd from you again…

Crumbling my young heart…

MY TATTOO TEARS

(A older post)

 

 

 

There all gone! I still remain! We were all soldiers at war… Until the end of days…

Our analogue views on life were the same…

For that!

I was happy to call yall my comrades! I miss you all! Often I’m musing about the little things that we were use to doing…

We had each others backs like car seats. Everyday I pour out liquor in yalls memory! On dark quiet nights…

I give out one twenty one gun salutes for my soldiers. To my fallen brothers and sisters! Your memories I will abuse!

I never got to say it…

I love you all!

All though you’re not with me…

Your strong spirits still remain!

I’ll pour out more liquor until I see you again….

TO MY FALLEN COMRADES!