Cutt Out

When ties cut.
The fall will be

massive like.
Lies that touch

the lives of the gullible.
Pure, poor bastards

who also.
Took a life or took there own after…

Im not surprised.
To hear all the

guilt tripping.
Foot clipping.
Thoughts into

self doubt.
Heart breaking how.

You cant feel or hear any push of confidence.

Aggressively being

told that you will make it out…

With a hand full of sillys

and glitter Lillys. Pinching

your nerves, to see them

happy while you suffer.

Wanting nothing in life.

To not be toxic. To

toxic for wanting a friendship. Can’t even comprehend your

own insanity to begin with…..

“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

Oh No’s

I can honestly say that.
I’m seriously indecisive.

Yet,
when I fully commit to
something or someone.
it can become a crisis.
The hardest critic is myself.
Yes it’s true.

Various mental issues
that plague my view.
Getting Tangled in past unpaid
Dues.

I’m realising that the same
People who try instilling positivity.
Are Condoning these new ways.
To be offended By people. Who don’t understand there offending you.

Fuck! I’m tired!
Fuck you and ya mama!
I can’t stand humans and there
phony mottos to live by but won’t
Die by what there trying to
Live for.

Falsified explanations.. excuses why not to do this Or say that.
Why not to believe in this or that.
The blind lead the blind mah’ fucka!
Don’t you believe in that.

Just because it sounds like it’s true don’t mean that it’s right.
Like being in a relationship and your partner believes. Every
Thing they single friend says is right.

Right?!
Bitch Wrong!
I’m so far beyond your
comprehension that.
I already know the shit y’all be on.
Next time I take advice. It will be
from the earth, not a pilgrim.

What lives matter?
Shut the fuck up!
Those white folk had
Me facing 40yrs plus! for defending
Myself!

Shut up!
Let me finish!
I say this right here!
I “Mr Thomas” solidly, solemnly swear I will never write about
Love and old love affairs.
Till the earth burns on its axis and explodes. from
Global warming ignored.

Atlest I know I wont be the only
Person to burn in a hell. Ain’t no
Self-defense laws for negros.
For the record………
Fuck you all I’m already dead!
Lol!
Fuck the love you know
If it’s true love you never had.

Life….. Or…… Death…..

Tying your last tie

“I just can’t stop”

“So many tears”

“I literally haven’t cryed this much in years”

“Tears so thick”

“Tears so fucking thick”

“Pardon my language”

“My eyes welled over into trees”

You’ll never no how much you ment to me…

Your father is…

My brother….

Fuck…

Pardon my language….

I’d die 1,000,000,000 ties….

For you to take my place…

I don’t know…

All I can remember right now is…

When you were born…

I haven’t cried so hard in years…

I feel like mother earth…

I feel like “Emit Till…

I feel like “Malcolm X”

I feel like…

Fighting for all that is left….

Negro wake up…

But I know I am…

All that matters…

To me brother…

Is us…

My family…

My lasts…

My firsts…

Your child has past…

He won’t come back…

I don’t know how to feel…

So I’ll just let my tears…

Roll back in my head…

He’s on level…

Place up now…

My neff…

Stronger then I ever was….

Your birthday is two weeks from now….

My smile has burned its self down…

I’m hurting…

So bad…

If my tears could talk…

Fuck it…

They Would be bleeding instead…

It’s all in my fucking head…

Pardon my language…

Pardon…

My grammer….

Pardon the things I can’t and won’t fix…

Literally….

My ashy hands are two damaged….

This one is real personal…

Yet, I have to share it….

Get it off myself…

Crashing trying to take off my seat belt…

If I didn’t…

Post…

Anything…

Fuck it…

Pardon my language…

“To my god son Carlos jr, aka Jr”

“I will forever miss you shorrty”

“I’ll miss you”

“I love you boy”

“I’ll see you when I get there”