“They think they know”

They dooo…
They think
they doooo…

You don’t listen
You compare.
You brush me off
Like you don’t care.
Clarify this shit…
As My diagnosis
rolls up off anothers
Tongues…

like
Water off a leaf
That’s weak…

Let me make it
Clear to those
Who won’t and
Don’t understand
That the issue
Can’t be compared
To you self
Diagnosis of me
Or yourself.

Boxed in a
A box in corner…
Small walls
I can’t peak over
Them.
With out…
I dare you to
speak… Making
Me more lonely…

“OH just do some breathing techniques and exercise. “

Ok that’s fine!
but It only
Last for a little
while!
You wonder why!
I Don’t smile!
I just
Need a stronger
Dose im on
Enough meds
To take a bull
Down!

Make me bitter
At all repetitive
remarks!

You!
Don’t!
Know!
Me!

Let me tell you
How it feels to
Be me!

Relationships/can’t
Going out in public/won’t
Being surrounded by
new people your
Friend knows/ I don’t think so…

I can socialize
to an extent.
If I say something
Out of order…..
To the huddle…
You may or may
Not hear me
keep apologizing……..

So my isolated
My inner and outer
Being…….

These issues with
in me.

Can only be exposed
If you know me….
Or sometimes not
I just feel…
Real tire…
So good night…

O ya…
I forgot…

Most times group
With a bunch of
Me’s and yous can…
Maybe even a hand
Full can understand me…

Only!

My mind
Is…

Mostly out of
Order………

I never asked for
A pity party ………

A Title To Kill For

Rain on boots for what!

SKS!

Rifle songs!

Took his limbs off!

T-shirts!

Deceased Faces on them…

That bubble stick blew no bubbles…

From Here…

To hell!

No fear here…

We are all use to this…

These young kids dwell…

Where unmasked terrot cards drop…

Falling out of  there black back pockets…

I picked one up…

It was the death card…

So clechie……….

 

Pages Of Deja Vu

My dreams when I lay hung from trees from painted face.

Will I ever grow traces of lifes born crisis in order to let go of my camouflaging?

Shaking in a corner with news papers on the floors.

I saw ever homicide I’ve seen…

Faces I can’t ignore…

From 5 to the age now at my door…

The race car crash past!

Cell extractions with batons, shields and mustard gas…

They used chemical warfare on us…

Now that’s what I call domestic terrorism…

Pissed off ready to hurt enybody in my vision…

They took away all my priceless valuables…

Even the pictures of my family members…

Mistaken identity on identified the right rong guy!

They planted dope on us and fucked up our records…

Being on a wanted list at 14 was my ambitious way to make bad memories…

They all payed…

I’m still in pain whenever I do finnaly sleep…

Dried up tears on my black pillow cases try to still fit in as a civilian.

I still get anxiety from hearing certain noises…

Still judged when they don’t even no him…

Ask him…

He will tell you…

Just stay for a while and I’ll give you my story…

Pop Quiz

I prayed…

Basic plea bargain to only get 90 days of infections insanity…

Fuck it…

I’m no different…

Knowing we all have our super down double down moments…

Fatal Absolute even almost inches a way from being injected…

I’ve entered a old patter of self implosion…

They couldn’t hold me back so I exploded…

That old hopless young man was me screaming for someone to her…

I can only be pushed but for so long…

After that I’m pulling teath dotting eyes and crossing Tee.. Shirts…

Bloody…

I’ve never been a bully…

Never been a bitch nether….

So I had to make you hear me this season…

Your semester is closed like your eyes permanently…

This goes on my new permanent record…

Remember……..

I warned you not to test me…

Finding A Way To Calm The fury With In

I’m still trying to recover…

Im still trying to get right…

I’m still falling.

Trying to grab a hold of the new ages.

A unfinished prototype of a man with no feeling and no compassion trying to transition to a normal future! Interactional and compatible rearranging my thoughts into love and not flames.                                                          I won’t go to far. Medicating between Wellbutrin and Bupropion. Sertraline to walk the type rope to hope. Please don’t fall… Hoping to God when I’m in public that know one bumps into me or look me in my eyes a certain way.                                    They say I’m fucked up… Seroquel won’t even put me to sleep. My mind skips a beat sometimes when I hear old songs. Triggering flash backs of a savage nostalgia.                                                             A child that knew no real punishment untill I met the true devil.

I don’t go far… No mirrors, pictures or clippers to shape my life up. Cutting off the ties of the guys that I once looked up to as a child.                                                 Now all dead and gone or getting high somewhere strung out creeping through the back Windows stealing only to satisfy there drug apitites.                            Some of them are doing maximum time behind the iron bars or on death row awaiting to die slow.

Can someone tell me the reason for a prison sentence of life plus 75 years? Do you have to die twice in order to come home and see your kids?

This is the prototype of a man Trying to transition.

There Was Party For Me But I Wasn’t Invited

The air outside is heavy.

I’m weighed down with guilt.

Your prejudice target.

I have to dress casual for court tomorrow.

I lost a bet to my ex and now I love alone.

Propriety damage on the housing of my brain.

There is no point in me living without uncontrolled substances.

A steroid to enjoy running after adrenalin.

Rushing…

The fumes of whats being cooked in the kitchen makes me horny.

There are way to many fatherless children.

I need this pen to win first place.

This morning I filled my tea cup up with emotions and dropped it.

Its broken now, how familiar.

A rebel that escaped the devil. I went though the wind shield crashing into my reality challenging the pain of blocking fresh cut fate tempting to taste all the spoils of war. My life I don’t adore when attempting suicide is such a bore defending my stand point is now my only chore. So I will love on only to indour…. More pain!

Pain Killers

I died today…
Rest in peace…
So sad my life
ended like it started.
Addiction…
I couldn’t shake
it so I dissolved
in my own bag
of brown sugar.
The pain it wouldn’t
stop, the flames
were very hot and
I’ve stained the
minds of lots,
but only after death.
No pot to piss
in so I stole yours.
Bewildered…
Kicking in door
after door only
to find more
problems on
the other side.
Your irresponsible
lectures turned me
out. Making me
heartless.
This is evidence
that supports
and confirms
my statements.
I laid on her
stomach at
night rubbing
my fingers on
her cesarean
scars and she
took her
pocket knife
that was already
stained with
her past lovers
blood and
stabbed me
in the back
and twisted
the blade
until it broken
in my flesh
to create
more pain.
I didn’t die
from that.
I died because
I loved for
one second to
many and
turned my back.
That was
the first time
my tears created
acid that
dropped in my
hands and burned
away the calluses.
I am so glad to
be dead.