Black Merc 0202-0-16

Lately I’ve been

drifting.

My old structure

of strict militant ways.

Don’t know how

long before.

I’ll be consumed

by the flames.

The past be the

past.

Glued stuck to my frustrated

psyche.

Being bound to

something worst.

Confused that sometimes

the worst deeds can set you

Free.

Mind filthy, rotting away off

The bones of my

decaying last good memories.

Life’s snap shots of

seconds of smiles and laughter.

Then Jokes become

sloppy.

The laughter becomes

annoying.

Reality kicks into

Dissipated smiles.

The heart is distantly

colder like a halleys Comet.

As I rapidly forget short

Small numbers and sentences.

I won’t die…

I’m dieing slowly along

the way.

Experiencing that first hand

failure to control crashing

Into ashes.

Warped feelings overdosed, lusting

for violence and gun powdery

children’s cereal.

Maybe inching instantly

towards a whole

solid insanity plea.

Watching humans devour there

nurturers and there nurtured.

A thick book deal guide through

corruption, scams,

set ups and confusion.

More and more I

Aggressively drift back

into that.

Predictably same facial

expression that never changes.

No matter the emotion, excitement

Happyness of whatever

Joy is.

My face will always look

The exact same.

My face stays stuck trying

to comprehend.

Why everyone looks

at me like I’m a stone.

Maybe I am one to

Think of.

I fail the try outs…

Then become more

upset that I pathetically try to hard.

Or is just never close

To enough.

All humans are born with

A heart’s worth of emotions.

Yes that is fact…

What do you call a human

That has to program there self to?

Feel it….

Or know when to receive it…

Reciprocate it in a way to

Trust the other.

Note that it’s not always

Out to break you or kill you.

From the inside out…

I feel less and less emotions

like when I was younger.

My emotions are plumiting

Stocks all over again.

A very bad investment…

Back to who I was not

supposed to been.

The rebirth of chaos is

about to began.

I can feel it..

It’s me…

I am chaos…

The second coming…

Is on the way…

Free Us…

So we will be one with our former self…

The form of a poker face…

Dead from With in…

The Black Mercury……..

Native Of My Land

You can’t go where I go! Mortar rounds and broken toes. Light machine guns stashed in boarded homes.

Deadly forever from small pistols to guns taller then a toddler. Robbery victoms to soul sucking ruthless women.

Trained gorillas beheading sandwich bags. To hit every dope fiend in sight hoping narcotics officers don’t dance.

We dance the dance of the living trying to live. Outsiders looking in  forget we have families that we have to feed that depend.

We may feed them from sin cause there is no way out… Unless you are the person with the most cocain in the drought…

They wild on the other side just like us. So many shoot outs from 11years old to 25 plus…

All the real men, elderly, kids and women respect me like king tut. I’m not no king rage and fate…

Rain with a combination of the murders and tactical feelings. Under liberty with no justice for us that does spit on minorities by the millions…

Minorities! Yet we were all here before them. Undisputed champion of the City’s limit.

Till I sit on deathrow like my unckle and my cousins. I’m going to have thug in my blood with brain damage till death cuts in…

But I’m not ready just yet!

 

SORRY MAMA BUT I’M GOING FEDERAL

(Yet another shitty oldie)

 

 

 

I’m tired of living where the sun never shines…

 

 

 

where the birds are afraid to chirp in the morning…

 

 

 

Where the bad things only get worst…

 

 

 

No hope at all….

 

 

 

I’m tired of where I live…

 

 

 

It’s dangerous and filled with drug addicts, teenage killers and rapist…

 

 

 

God save us…

 

 

 

I’m tired of coming home to the same things…

 

 

 

Six people in a two bed room apartment…

 

 

 

My hopes and dream claustrophobic…

 

 

 

Constricted boa by negativitys limited possibility’s…

 

 
I’m 12 years old…

 

 

 

I’m starving…

 

 

 

I’m tired of eating all this instant ramen…

 

 

 

Left over cheese stakes and greasy fries…

 

 

 

Fried chicken boxes from the corner store…

 

 

 

That’s all my mother could afford…

 

 

 

I’m tired of sharing my clothes with my brothers…

 

 

 

Stealing socks out of there bags…

 

 

 

Mine weren’t clean…

 

 

 

Also I was down to my last pair…

 

 
I’m tired of going to the market with my mother…

 

 

 

Getting items that later…

 

 

 

To put some items back…

 

 

 

Mom said we could afford them…

 

 

 

We couldn’t!

 

 

 

So back on the shelf they before we go go.

 

 

 

I’m tired of the other kids laughing at my clothes…

 

 

 

Them old hand me downs from a different time zone…

 

 

 

I’ll show them later on!

 

 

 

Not to laugh at me!

 

 

 

I’m tired of being broke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being everyones joke…

 

 

 

I’m tired of being against the ropes…

 

 

 

The ropes of poverty…

 

 

 

I’m tired of living grimy…

 

 

 

I’m tired of crying silently…

 

 

 

Lights out!!

 

 

 

Bills piling!

 

 

 

Our stomachs growling…

 

 

 

Mom crying!

 

 

 

Shes getting tired of trying…

 

 

 

Violence in the worst timing…

 

 

 

Trying not to start robbing…

 

 

 

Trying to live righteous…

 

 

 

I coax with family members…

 

 

 

Get me life insurance…

 

 

 

Debating with them about life inequity…

 

 

 

With bad pictures of the past…

 

 

 

There were no perfect pictures at all…

 

 

 

So as I get older…

 

 

 

I saw that its time for me to take risks…

 

 

 

For better picks…

 

 

 

Please pray for me ma ma…

 

 

 

I’m going federal this year…

 

 

 

No more tears…

I SURRENDER 

(Oldie right here)

 

 

I surrender…

Speed I need!

Running and running jumping fence after fence!

My shirt got caught on the gate!

Dogs barking, police sirens, helicopters circling, hovering low with search lights in the sky!

As I try to accumulate speed!

I need more air!

The wind has been knocked out of me by five black boots!

Shining chain link badges!

Standing over me in my face!

I taste blood in my mouth!

Salty, irony, gritty blood!

It’s over…

After I regain consciousness!

I opened my eyes…

I see sharp dressed suite to a tee standing in front of me…

While I lay on a hospital bed…

Inquisitions fly at me at top speed!

They realize two days later that it was mistaking identity…

Not even a apology…

Only hand cuffs taken off me…

Even a huge hospital bill…

WHY ME!?

P.T.S.D

(One of my favs oldies)

 

 

It’s only one of me…

I’ll fight all ten of y’all!

I can’t think!

Anger brewing tattooing a image of bruises on you!

I don’t even know why I am so mean sometimes…

Why I have bad dreams, flash backs of bullets coming threw my wind shield!

The life of my passenger taken…

Lord have mercy!

Rest in peace!

Your enemy has taken a permanent nap!

Don’t like my book…

CLOSE IT!

You think you tougher than me…

SHOW IT!

The only person I fear is the man in the mirror!

No big words twists turns or metaphors…

Just true facts intact…

Verbally waterboarding you to death…

A mind that seen know Christmas or thanksgivings!

With family members!

Just fist fights!

Small iron battles in the middle of the streets!

Cold prison sentences…

23 and 1… 24/7

With no nice bed sheets or throw pillows…

So what does life mean to you!?

Mine is a constant fight for survival!

Post traumatic stress disorder is my only friends and family….

I Want The Money Now

Hesitation…

Is know good…

Testing patience…

Don’t do it!

Hunger can turn the lights on to violence.

Heated!

Walking around with lent in his pockets on pins and needles.

Needing!

Not wanting!

Nobody ever gave him nothing!

Not even the last crumb of a blueberry muffin.

This is now the barrel of the gun man.

Wanting everything!

Leaving nothing!

Hands to your side…

Gun to your chest…

This ain’t know test….

You better just do what’s best…

For you!

Respect The Photographer Before You…

Why are you smiling at him?

You better stop!

It makes him nervous.

The last time someone smiled at him. He shook there hand. Turned around and got flashed by a well manufactured camera.

When the picture came out of the poloriod camera. There was no one on it… Just blood on the pavement.

It’s nothing personal if your smiling. Just don’t smile at him. The last time someone smiled at him…

He got a camera pulled out on him and placed to his forehead. Only this time the camera didn’t flash…

He was in his jean pockets and took every thing he had. Never smile and show teeth to a man like him.

The last, last, last time he seen someone smiling at him… A dark colored car with dark tinted windows rode past him

Slowly. The passenger of the dark car rolled the window down and was grinning at him.

The dark colored car drove past him up to the end of the block On the corner. The man in the dark car hopped

Out of the passenger side of the car while pulling his ski mask down over his face in the middle of June.

He…. Ran up to him with camera set on automatic taking lots of pictures of him. Missing every shot as the one dodging

Then ducks in between two cars.. The shooter ran out of film and flees off on foot running up the block.

The shooter got no pictures of him…

Let me tell you something…

Don’t ever smile at a man who’s been through war and more…. The last, last, last, last time someone smiled at him…

Four guys with hoodies were walking down the block toward his car. The four guys had their hoodies pulled over their heads.

The man in the car could only see the top and bottom rows of one of the boys gold teeth.

Before the four boys could pull their cameras first and aim at the man in the car.

The man in the car leaned his seat back and reached behind the passengers seat quickly pulling out his camera like paparazzi ready for action.

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash,flash! Flash! Flash, flash! The man in the car leaned I’m the window seal of

The car with his camera and took the pictures of three of the four boys attempting to take his picture.

The man in the car went looking for the last boy that got away around the town. He was very desperate to take his….

portraits perfectly….

Before the man in the car could get to the last boy that got away. A week later he found out on the streets that

The boy he was so desperately looking for… He found out that someone else took his picture.

Let me break it down for you. When you smile at a paranoid, shell shocked soldier who’s been in a mental casket for some years. Resurrected only when his camera goes flashing souls in captivity. Standing up and re walking through the past tense of cruel battles. He knows no happiness, no love, no relationships or friendships. All he know is how to take cameras apart, clean them, put them back together in seconds. Load it up with film and take nothing but head shots. Picture Perfect to the memory.

Please wipe your smiles away in the presence of a man like this…..

 

 

To Succeed At Light Speed

On top of a cold mountain peak is where you’ll find me. The freezing temperatures are like a father. My insulated winter coat hugs me like a mother. Three months it took for me to see. The very top of the mountain peak. I’ve always went where no man would dare go. Even if it meant walking through six feet of thick white snow. Their were no seven dwarfs at the top. Just a flag from someone else marking the rarely seen spot. I’ve made it through so many avalanches. At least up here I don’t have to pay taxes. I went straight to the top like your favorite hit songs. Doing what I had to in order to survive the blizzards and snow storms. I’ve seriously came far enough in my life. To me this is only half way. I’ll keep walking as far as the skylines the very next day.

I know I’m only human but nothing will ever stop me!

The Bad Old Days

Been giving out free caskets since I could remember.

Ive been cornered by the government and came out swinging.

Life wasn’t like a box of chocolates so you can save that fairytale shit.

I watched fiends in the hallways light up the bottom of spoons.

Water on the stove boiling pots dropping ones and twos.

Teenage killers with automatic pistols laying you in the ground just for your shoes.

If you were light than your pockets got ripped off with claws sharper than my dress code.

If you were weak then you would fail your class for life sleeping.

If you were strong then you got welcomed with open scars.

No food and no lights on at home.

Breaking and entering…

Home invasions…

I guess you done got sick of starving.

Getting older taking over drug infested corners for power and order.

No more boiling hot dogs until they split.

No more can goods or food stamps yet our occupations ain’t legit.

Ma ma don’t cry…

Tears get wiped from her face and eyes.

No one ever wanted to take that test.

I’ve been giving out free caskets until there weren’t any left.

Better re-up……,

 

 

The True History Of The Real Gangstaz

We say good morning to each other in the evening. That means we had a good smooth and easy day. We stress… I guess this is all the thanks we get. I can remember a time in history when we designed and built the white house for the president. For free! Oh that’s a fact! Google it… Just know that No matter what you can never Google the pain and suffering from my ancestors. All the true pain they’ve indured. Satisfiying the masters every need by force… Anything he or she wanted or needed!

I won’t even go there though. Slavery of my people was one of the most devastating times for us in American history. Let’s not forget the savage genocide of the American natives. Just a friendly reminder, to tell the truth I don’t even think my native brothers and sisters of the country even called their land America as it was stolen from them. (Thanks for giving) So let’s just call them natives of the land that once was their home…. Taken like a strong arm savage robbery… Oh and did I mention no one was ever prosecuted for there inhuman  crimes against all that wasn’t them….

THATS SOME REAL GANGSTA SHIT!

Are they so blind that they left there own people behind? The people that never asked to be here. Forced at gun point taking men, women and child snatching the babies right off of the mothers nipple. The kids sold to the highest bidder.

Then through history being treated like the lowest of the low. A black American couldnt even stare at a person of the opposite color with out deadly consequences to follow. We had to drink water from some where else and go to different restrooms and go to all black schools. If we didn’t it would have either been jail or death. Our lives were never pretty. Our fathers fathers fathers never really owned any…. We all stand strong no matter how beaten, bruised and broken we are… We are strong… I guess the quote “Divided we stand united we fall” was a lie too… Till this day we’re still divided and falling by ourselves to poverty, prison and bullets from police men. From the very beginning to now… Still no reparations for all the rape and the culture we lost along the way.

Thanks American!

Thanks for not acknowledging the real gangstaz of history.

THE SWEEPING OF VIOLENCE OF HISTORIES GENICIDE AND BLOOD STAINED PAST UNDER A SHAIMFUL RUG AND TRYING TO KEEP IT HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD. EVERY OTHER RACE WONDERS WHY WE ARE ALWAYS SO TYPICALLY ANGRY OR BITTER ABOUT LIFE AND ETC… ETC… ILL ANSWER THAT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD…. MY PEOPLE FOUGHT THEIR WHOLE LIVES TO SUCCEED SINCE WE CAME OFF THE MAYFLOWER IN CHAINS. WE ARE TIRED BUT WE WILL STAND STRONG. ✊