Ya Ya yaaa… I’m waiting…

21 years ago…

The doctors said I’d be dead within months…

12 years ago…

The doctors said you’ve got…

I think it was 3months…

2 weeks ago these doctors told me…

And I cut her off in her words…

“Don’t tell me what I’ve heard for decades.”

“I’ve been ready for my death date!”

Without this dream…

“Bring it on!”

Bring it on…

I’ve atone for some sins…

I could have die years ago so today I go…

The other ones I can’t let go…

“Let go…”

Doctors, needles, mental health episodes that breach…

Right past the thresholds of my fire…

Smoke so deep I can’t breath till these demons are out of me…

I’m outty five thousand…

Whenever the horns blow for me…

The final call…

All praises due…

Evil is past due…

So I laugh through my own silent clashes…

I waiting…

Bring it on to the door…

I told him years ago that…

I promised the man above when I was sitting in that cell box…

That…

I’ll never ever pick up a gun unless I really really got to…

Pop goes these weasels…

I saw there heads go pop…

I wish I could pull the nails off my aging stigmata…

Fine Devine wine spill on my forehead…

I felt free for a moment…

Till I wulk up in a coffin, coffing out my trials and my tenction…

From the heat burning my souls absences…

So tacky…

To death I say…

Spare me the teasing and bull…

Just read my lips…

Bring it on!

Smelling Salts

Just give me a dose

So I don’t overdose

Forget it

Let me comatose

Crochet my fingers into a rope

Mind locked its self behind the door

So how can I get out

Let me win

I’m stuck

Throw the sheets over my only motive to live

Give me a dose

So I don’t overdose

The mind says overdose instead

Hands shake when

I pick up things

Even a cup to drink

Fabrics drenched in Arabic coffee

Warm

Opposed to hot like I wanted it

I left it sitting on my table for to long

Eyes like rockets fuel burning

Under smoke

Trying to get a taste of a second hand

Slapped away

I don’t want your created pavement

To curl up on anyway

Give me a soft couch Cigarette in my mouth

Comfortable

And a small dose

So I don’t overdose

Stopped searching for the lost lists of me

Indeed I be the unholy

I know it

Sometimes to bold to be told

I have only days to live

Without cancer

I’m the cancer and a council

Of councillors in my surroundings

Funny how I can be a councillor yet, I can’t council me

Can’t nobody

I can’t use myself to cure

What I am

Or nobody

Placad at my face values like valumes

Antipsychotics

Together

Then face my low values

Phrase it to graze on my

Pains immortality

I battle with everything, anybody

People just don’t understand

You couldn’t ever understand a person like

Us

So stop

Persons like me just need

You to not

Just be there to hold

The mental and grow

Pleaded no sympathy

Fractures the light that once to glow

Just listen to me

Whenever I ever

Need the me time to wait for our time

Speak in a small dose

Because to be honest

I’d rather just overdose

Then to be told

I will be ok

Just give me a small dose of

Being there

Subs

Overwhelming

To many hands

On

Me

Life is abusive

Intruding on my

Reclusiveness

Introverted

Designer mind

Maxing out on

Antidepressants

Storing

Opening

Closings

Like if a brain

Was a purse

Am I a person

The darkness has no curfew

Inside my

Statistics

Life just ain’t what it use to be

Or maybe

I’m not use to

This new life

For me

Evasive to open arms

Gambled on backstabbers

Or if they are not

“We all”

Isn’t the genre I’m apart

Of

I had my hand down in class

Whenever life’s teachings asked

Us

“What do you want now”

I thought I knew

What exactly I wanted then

If I knew then

The horrible things humans

Mentally

Can do now

What I know now

I would have barricaded my

myself

my emotions

Behind my enemies lines

Your the one who caused my

Problems

Then the blame game

Ensued

Leftovers of me

I’m the one who will fix this

Over

Over

First dance will be fire

Then on crushed glass

Befriended hot coals

Then I

Walked over I always Notice

Know one at the end

Of my path

As I got closer

The people

Those loving

Abled bodies

You know

Those who’s

Told

Over

Over and again

“I’m hear”

Where noticed visine

Clear

Know one there

So I know where

Stand

Where know one

Is

I never expect

Anyone to know

Where my

New

Know

Where

Is

Where I bear my

Own oxygen

My own air

Ya

Im right there