I died today… Rest in peace… So sad my life ended like it started. Addiction… I couldn’t shake it so I dissolved in my own bag of brown sugar. The pain it wouldn’t stop, the flames were very hot and I’ve stained the minds of lots, but only after death. No pot to piss in so I stole yours. Bewildered… Kicking in door after door only to find more problems on the other side. Your irresponsible lectures turned me out. Making me heartless. This is evidence that supports and confirms my statements. I laid on her stomach at night rubbing my fingers on her cesarean scars and she took her pocket knife that was already stained with her past lovers blood and stabbed me in the back and twisted the blade until it broken in my flesh to create more pain. I didn’t die from that. I died because I loved for one second to many and turned my back. That was the first time my tears created acid that dropped in my hands and burned away the calluses. I am so glad to be dead.
I love all the colors in the world. A kaleidoscope of skin color and flesh. Colors keep the world spinning dripping wet paint on a blank canvas of a colorless dinner plate put on display for everyone to see. I love it! I love the different colors God made. The mortal difference… The depth of textures… Down to every freckle, eye color, hair color and skin color. All formed together to make an explosion of all of life’s sweetest things. Life’s sweetest thing to me is diversity.
I was timid and often bullied by evil thoughts that were sharper than old clothes hangers that popped the locks on your cars at night. Often a sunder reminder of who I really was on the inside. Dark and full of rage. I couldn’t turn the page if I wanted to. The book of my life was already wrote, miraculously I’m still here to quote this. These lines I spill from my tongue giving ones intellect a mental portrait on my way of living. Still sentenced to the pitch black hole in my heart. I’m hurting like a wounded hawk with a broken wing and you can feel the very pain in my speech. Life was often very cruel to me can’t you see that even when I go to war I want peace. I want to love but its hard for me. I want to forgive but its dissolving me. You cant replace something that’s one of a kind. There’s no revolving me and I hope these words hit your ears impetus In case you think about targeting me, because when I was young my childhood was robbed from me. Understand that I am….
EVERYDAY YOU WALK OUT THAT HOUSE YOU BETTER LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY!
For real… Because there is no one on the planet like you so make an impression that will permanently brand your image in someone’s mind for a long period of time. You better shine like a dime and be sharp and premeditate your style like a well planed crime. Kill em with style and create a crime scene of beauty or handsomeness and leave their minds in oohs an awws.
Women or man… Man or women… You’re someone… You’re the sun that shines through a vacant place. Your taste and style is of your own and the eyes of anothers you will own. Believe that…
From day one you were a positive influence on me and that’s fact. Please don’t let no one tell you different. Watching you when I was growing up was like watching a mob movie except you were really a good fella. Know hello’s or good byes you were like a clean pair of tennis shoes the way you kept the streets tied. When I spoke to you, you always replied in confidence with no lies. You never taught me how to play baseball or football outside but you taught me things that couldn’t be learned in no school or in books or even if google existed back then. I still wouldn’t have known if you wouldn’t have taught me then. You where my mentor, either or. When life was rough to me you taught me how to fight back. When I had no food to eat you told me you’d be right back. when I got put out in the streets you showed me you had my back. You were there when no one else was and through the dark alley’s in hells pockets of the city you often gave me a light to navigate and terminate my biggest fears. Thanks to you I fear nothing and no one. Thanks to you I was the nails to many coffins of those with sharp tongue’s. Thanks to you I never starved. Thanks to you, you made me believe there’s a God. Thanks to you I could rest easily. Thanks to you I had confidence in myself and all my plans went breezy.
I remember all of those days in the rain, I was a walking shame. A plane crashed into my mind and seperated us forever. Nah I dont think so never. As long as you have a voice I will listen and as long as I have a choice I will make some visits. You can continue to bless my ears with your knowledge. No school or college for us we majored in street-olidgy and we graduated with our masters in urban combat and street politics and economic’s. No fraudulence or faking so take this to your grave sir. Youre the man who made me who I am today sir.
I am strong now because of you!
Give me your hand I want to feel your palms. Put your arms around me so my love can sing you a song. I see you and the way you stare at me. I can see what’s on your mind and what you want from me!
You will never know what you can have if you don’t get up and ask. Introduce yourself to me. That should be your next task. O… Okay… I see you want to play hard to get with me. Sweety… that won’t work see I already know what your eyes are saying to me. Your eyes so inviting, so enlightening, they light up the room like lightning and I’ve got some thunder for you. A game of mental tug of war you’ve got going with me. Please just get up and and tell me your name please. You know you want me like I want you so come close to me sit with me so I can smell the scent of your peach skin.
You will never know what you can have if you don’t get up and ask. We made eye contact for six seconds and you turned away smiling. Ha Ha Ha… I caught you. I’m really thinking what you’re thinking so just please ask me a question like “Is this seat taken.” Even if it was my sweetness they just lost their seat because I know one conversation from me will make your life complete. Yeah… I know I’m bragging in my head again and I’m looking at those sexy legs again. The truth is that deep down inside I’m not stuck up like I appear to be I’m just so shy and I think you are too. Damn I really wish I had the gull to talk to you. I finally get up but not to approach her, but only to walk away. When I get out the door and turn back one last time guess who was still bright eyed and looking at me. Damn! Another missed opportunity.
Let me tell you… She ran through my mind for weeks. All I could think about was us together rolling around on my bed sheets. Not to sound perverted, but trust me when I saw her she look like she wanted the same thing. A long and interesting convo about our past, present and future. I would run my fingers through her curly black hair and stare into her eyes over candle lights and inhale my future wife’s essence. Her lips would be mine. My hands griping her thighs and she will want me inside and I will reply, no lets take it slow… Lets savor the moment. Never drink your tea while its hot. Wait for it to cool then slowly sip and enjoy it.
Then it all comes back to me… REALITY! Why didn’t I just speak. WHY ME!
I believe I was a Apache in a former life. Sharpening my tomahawk putting on my war paint dipped in the blood from my adversary’s. I was chief running gun Five star bush general. Tough like calcium strong and proud. Giving orders and raising my tribe in pride. Many died on that hill but we still kept them in our prayers as we pushed back our intruders infantry. Mowing down the lives of savage men trying to take our land for their own greedy needs. NO SURRENDER NO RETREAT!
I yelled out in my native language as we did battle and after those long wars our enemy’s were demolished but yet they still respected us for our bravery. A soldier I will always be to the death. I was inherited this war like mentality from my ancestors before me and I still carry the heavy pain of their blood stains as a Apache.
Independence day… The United states, also referred to as the fourth of July in the U.S. It is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the declaration of independence. The United state was no longer apart of the British empire.
That’s great and all but what about my forgotten ancestor’s? Why didn’t we get a independence day? After all we were people’s property and possession’s to do what ever with for hundreds of years and along that harsh and tragic road we lost our self identities, our rich and unique culture and these are all FACTS! We were raped, beaten and enslaved… Men, women and children sold off to the highest bidders at low prices. Well not unless you were a pretty little girl or a handsome little boy. For over four hundred years this went on and I still feel the pain of my ancestors today. Mostly when I look in the mirror. It’s sad and a mental spit and slap to the face repetitively over and over again while the masters laugh at us while they take our women and children away screaming. NOSTALGIC… but my bad dreams awaken me to the pain inside. I say all that to say where is our independence day! Why don’t the so called African Americans have a declaration of our own independence? Why is that because we did cook, clean and even raise our masters children. The men to the north even served in the civil war on the front lines! Again! Why don’t we have a day for ourselves? FACTS! So where is our independence holiday. Better yet where is our acknowledgement of the truth???????
THINK ABOUT THIS! The real independence day. Where is it?
LOVE AND PEACE TO YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR READING, AND HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL!
Whats more valuable than money? Your soul is the answer to that. Well in my opinion. Whats your true worth? Do you know? Nope… I don’t think you do. Before you go to bed.. Well when you finally do. Do you pray for forgiveness? Do you pray for your family? Do you have family to pray for? Do you sleep well? Do you sleep at all? Do you? When you wake up do you thank the almighty that you have breath today? Also that you have another chance to make a change? Or maybe you just don’t even care because when the sun shines through the window on the dark side of your empty bed you realize that your alone and there is no one there beside you.
Your mind changes like a on and off switch. Don’t it! Should you care or not… Right? Do people in your life really care about you? Or are they just using you? I don’t know…
Do people in your life even understand that you’re one of a kind and there is know one on the planet like you?
Be yourself because being different is being beautiful.
You said you wanted a real man in your life. A good strong man that does everything in his power to please you. You said you want a man that will be there and never leave you, never deceive you and never change or cheat on you. You said you wanted a man that can take care of you when you’re sick and if you have any, be there for your kid or kids. You said you wanted a protector. You said you wanted a blessed one. If you know what I mean. You said you wanted a man that doesn’t hang out all late at night. A man that listens to you and makes you smile and makes all of your wrongs right. You said you wanted a man that is cool and chill. You said you want a man that is skilled in going half on the bills. You said this is what you wanted write….
Sooo…. Why do you run every good man away? Why don’t they never stay? Why don’t you ever meet him half way? Why don’t you let him be a man? why do you always cancel his plans? Why do you always put him down? Why do you raise your voice at him when he’s not even loud? Why don’t you give him half your time? Why are your friends more important than the person you lay next to every night? Why do you always pick a fight? Why do you complain if everything he’s doing is right? Why do you be little him and hurt his pride? Why don’t you ever take up for him when it comes time? Why do you ask him so many questions when all when all he did was give you blessings?
Why… Why… Why… Why… Love me or love me not, but I’m a good man and I’ll never change that. Please, before you ever criticize me take a good look in your tar covered mirror and I thank you for making me better, but I will never love again… NEVER!