Pain Killers

I died today…
Rest in peace…
So sad my life
ended like it started.
Addiction…
I couldn’t shake
it so I dissolved
in my own bag
of brown sugar.
The pain it wouldn’t
stop, the flames
were very hot and
I’ve stained the
minds of lots,
but only after death.
No pot to piss
in so I stole yours.
Bewildered…
Kicking in door
after door only
to find more
problems on
the other side.
Your irresponsible
lectures turned me
out. Making me
heartless.
This is evidence
that supports
and confirms
my statements.
I laid on her
stomach at
night rubbing
my fingers on
her cesarean
scars and she
took her
pocket knife
that was already
stained with
her past lovers
blood and
stabbed me
in the back
and twisted
the blade
until it broken
in my flesh
to create
more pain.
I didn’t die
from that.
I died because
I loved for
one second to
many and
turned my back.
That was
the first time
my tears created
acid that
dropped in my
hands and burned
away the calluses.
I am so glad to
be dead.

FINGER PAINT

I love all the colors in the world. A kaleidoscope of skin color and flesh. Colors keep the world spinning dripping wet paint on a blank canvas of a colorless dinner plate put on display for everyone to see. I love it! I love the different colors God made. The mortal difference… The depth of textures… Down to every freckle, eye color, hair color and skin color. All formed together to make an explosion of all of life’s sweetest things. Life’s sweetest thing to me is diversity.

THIS IS ME 

I was timid and often bullied by evil thoughts that were sharper than old clothes hangers that popped the locks on your cars at night. Often a sunder reminder of who I really was on the inside. Dark and full of rage. I couldn’t turn the page if I wanted to. The book of my life was already wrote, miraculously I’m still here to quote this. These lines I spill from my tongue giving ones intellect a mental portrait on my way of living. Still sentenced to the pitch black hole in my heart. I’m hurting like a wounded hawk with a broken wing and you can feel the very pain in my speech. Life was often very cruel to me can’t you see that even when I go to war I want peace. I want to love but its hard for me. I want to forgive but its dissolving me. You cant replace something that’s one of a kind. There’s no revolving me and I hope these words hit your ears impetus In case you think about targeting me, because when I was young my childhood was robbed from me. Understand that I am….

ALWAY DEBONAIR 

EVERYDAY YOU WALK OUT THAT HOUSE YOU BETTER LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY!
For real… Because there is no one on the planet like you so make an impression that will permanently brand your image in someone’s mind for a long period of time. You better shine like a dime and be sharp and premeditate your style like a well planed crime. Kill em with style and create a crime scene of beauty or handsomeness and leave their minds in oohs an awws.
Women or man… Man or women… You’re someone… You’re the sun that shines through a vacant place. Your taste and style is of your own and the eyes of anothers you will own. Believe that…

FIFTY YEARS 

From day one you were a positive influence on me and that’s fact. Please don’t let no one tell you different. Watching you when I was growing up was like watching a mob movie except you were really a good fella. Know hello’s or good byes you were like a clean pair of tennis shoes the way you kept the streets tied. When I spoke to you, you always replied in confidence with no lies. You never taught me how to play baseball or football outside but you taught me things that couldn’t be learned in no school or in books or even if google existed back then. I still wouldn’t have known if you wouldn’t have taught me then. You where my mentor, either or. When life was rough to me you taught me how to fight back. When I had no food to eat you told me you’d be right back. when I got put out in the streets you showed me you had my back. You were there when no one else was and through the dark alley’s in hells pockets of the city you often gave me a light to navigate and terminate my biggest fears. Thanks to you I fear nothing and no one. Thanks to you I was the nails to many coffins of those with sharp tongue’s. Thanks to you I never starved. Thanks to you, you made me believe there’s a God. Thanks to you I could rest easily. Thanks to you I had confidence in myself and all my plans went breezy.
I remember all of those days in the rain, I was a walking shame. A plane crashed into my mind and seperated us forever. Nah I dont think so never. As long as you have a voice I will listen and as long as I have a choice I will make some visits. You can continue to bless my ears with your knowledge. No school or college for us we majored in street-olidgy and we graduated with our masters in urban combat and street politics and economic’s. No fraudulence or faking so take this to your grave sir. Youre the man who made me who I am today sir.
I am strong now because of you!

WELL I MISSED THAT SHOT 

Give me your hand I want to feel your palms. Put your arms around me so my love can sing you a song. I see you and the way you stare at me. I can see what’s on your mind and what you want from me!
You will never know what you can have if you don’t get up and ask. Introduce yourself to me. That should be your next task. O… Okay… I see you want to play hard to get with me. Sweety… that won’t work see I already know what your eyes are saying to me. Your eyes so inviting, so enlightening, they light up the room like lightning and I’ve got some thunder for you. A game of mental tug of war you’ve got going with me. Please just get up and and tell me your name please. You know you want me like I want you so come close to me sit with me so I can smell the scent of your peach skin.
You will never know what you can have if you don’t get up and ask. We made eye contact for six seconds and you turned away smiling. Ha Ha Ha… I caught you. I’m really thinking what you’re thinking so just please ask me a question like “Is this seat taken.” Even if it was my sweetness they just lost their seat because I know one conversation from me will make your life complete. Yeah… I know I’m bragging in my head again and I’m looking at those sexy legs again. The truth is that deep down inside I’m not stuck up like I appear to be I’m just so shy and I think you are too. Damn I really wish I had the gull to talk to you. I finally get up but not to approach her, but only to walk away. When I get out the door and turn back one last time guess who was still bright eyed and looking at me. Damn! Another missed opportunity.
Let me tell you… She ran through my mind for weeks. All I could think about was us together rolling around on my bed sheets. Not to sound perverted, but trust me when I saw her she look like she wanted the same thing. A long and interesting convo about our past, present and future. I would run my fingers through her curly black hair and stare into her eyes over candle lights and inhale my future wife’s essence. Her lips would be mine. My hands griping her thighs and she will want me inside and I will reply, no lets take it slow… Lets savor the moment. Never drink your tea while its hot. Wait for it to cool then slowly sip and enjoy it.
Then it all comes back to me… REALITY! Why didn’t I just speak. WHY ME!

Blood Over The Stolen Hill

I believe I
was a…
Apache in
a former
life…
Sharpening
my tomahawk…
With stones…
Draped my
Face
Drenched
Over war
paint…
Finger
tips
Dipped in
the blood
from my
adversary’s…
Treacherous…
I was chief
A running gun
Five star
Buffalo
general…
Tougher
Then
bull
Horns…
Calcium
That was
strong…
Like
The aroma
of menthol…
Giving out
orders…
Raising thee
Young…
Wise
tribe in
Native pride…
Proudly…
Many
died on
that
hill yet…
We
Keep
them in
our prayers…
We
pushed back
our intruders
infantry block…
Mowing
down the
lives thee
Unworthy
opposition…
Pale white
Dirty skin,
Filty men…
Trying
to take our
land
Kill and
Rape our
Wives
And children
for
to satisfy
There own
Evil greedy
Needs…
I screamed…
This tribal
Chant…
This Soil
And moss
Rivers
And animals
I will protect
Everyone
With in it
In peace…
If it’s
Blood you
Seek…
It will
Be your
Own
blood
You will
See…
We did battle…
After
those
long
wars
Those
enemy’s
were
demolished…
They will
Have no
Choices…
As
Always
The
respected
Elder…
For our
bravery…
My men
will be
Recognize…
Till the
death of
Me… I’ll
Inherited
war like
mentality
Lost… to
Be slaughtered
In hatred…
Still I strive
To leave in
Peaces of
Moss….
Never forgotten
ancestors
Of the Apache…

THE REAL INDEPENDENCE DAY

Independence day… The United states, also referred to as the fourth of July in the U.S. It is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the declaration of independence. The United state was no longer apart of the British empire.

That’s great and all but what about my forgotten ancestor’s? Why didn’t we get a independence day? After all we were people’s property and possession’s to do what ever with for hundreds of years and along that harsh and tragic road we lost our self identities, our rich and unique culture and these are all FACTS! We were raped, beaten and enslaved… Men, women and children sold off to the highest bidders at low prices. Well not unless you were a pretty little girl or a handsome little boy. For over four hundred years this went on and I still feel the pain of my ancestors today. Mostly when I look in the mirror. It’s sad and a mental spit and slap to the face repetitively over and over again while the masters laugh at us while they take our women and children away screaming. NOSTALGIC… but my bad dreams awaken me to the pain inside. I say all that to say where is our independence day! Why don’t the so called African Americans have a declaration of our own independence? Why is that because we did cook, clean and even raise our masters children. The men to the north even served in the civil war on the front lines! Again! Why don’t we have a day for ourselves? FACTS! So where is our independence holiday. Better yet where is our acknowledgement of the truth???????

THINK ABOUT THIS! The real independence day. Where is it?

LOVE AND PEACE TO YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR READING, AND HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL!

BECAUSE I’M DYING INSIDE

Whats more
valuable than
money… Your
soul is the
answer…

Well in my
opinion. Whats
your true
worth?

Do you
know? Nope…
I don’t think you
do.

Before you
go to bed..
Well…
when you
finally do…

Do
you pray for
forgiveness?
Do you pray
for your family?

Do you have
family to pray
for?

Do you
sleep well? Do
you sleep at
all?

Do you!?

When you
wake
up…

Do you
thank the
almighty…

That you can
breathe today…
Also that you
have…

Another
chance to make
a change…

maybe you just
don’t even care…

Maybe when
the sun shines
through the
window…

On the
dark side of
your empty bed…

you realize that
your alone…

There is no one
there beside you.
Your mind
changes like a
on and off
switch…

Don’t it!
Should you
care or not…

Right…
Do people in
your life really
care about you…
Or are they just
using you…

I
don’t know…
Do people in
your life even
understand that

you’re one of a
kind and there
is know one on
the planet like
you?

THEY DON’T!
Be yourself
because being
different is
being
beautiful

I… ONE OF A KIND!

Sooo….

You said you
wanted a real
man in your life…
A good strong
man…
One that does
everything in his
power to please
you…
Not a push over…
Believes in you…

You said you
wanted a man
that… Will be
there… One that
will never leave
you… In times
when down and
scared… In time
never deceiving
you… Never change
up or Try to
Change you…
One that will
Never look
You In your
Eyes and Lie….
Or Cheat on
you….

You said you…
Wanted a man
that can take care
of you when
In sickness.
Be there for your
kid, kids or
His kids
Or kid…
Yall kids…
No excuses…
Or issues…

You said you
wanted…
A protector….
You said you
wanted a
blessed one…
If you know
what I mean….
You said you
wanted a man
that….
Doesn’t hang
out all night…
With the
guys…

A man that
listens to
you every
Time you
Need or
Want him
To…
One that
Makes you
smile…
Helps makes
all of
your wrongs
right…

You said you
wanted… A man
That’s…
Cool, calm and
collective…
Under pressure…
Thorough…

You said you
wanted…
A man that
Is… Keen,
affectionate
And skilled
In chill….
You said…
This is what
You wanted right?

Soooooo………..

Why do you
run every good
man away…
He don’t have
To be fictionally
great…Yet…
Why don’t they
never stay?

Why don’t you
ever meet
him with
Lips even
Just half
way? Why won’t
you let him
be a man?
why do you
always cancel
plans?
Why do you?
Always put
him down?
Why do you
raise your voice?
Breaking him
down?
A voice so damn
loud…

Why won’t
you give him
Even half of
your time?
Why are your
friends more
important than…
Him? That
faithful man
You lay next to
Every night…
Why do you
always pick
fights?
Why do you
complain over
Every little
Thing?
When everything
that man mostly
does is right?
Basically doing
right by you…

Why do you
Belittle him?
Tarnish his man
Hood?
Even create
Lies?
Why?
Why don’t
you ever
Have his back?
When it comes down?
To those times?

Why do you ask
him so many
questions? All
he can do is
Crumble and
Cry inside?
Breaking him
from his eyes
Paralyzing
On down?

Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?

Love him or
love him not…
He’s a good
man…
Ain’t Never
changing
that…
So please forgive
Him…
When that man…
Turns his
Back….
No more
Will he fall
For your
Traps…
Then you
Will collapse…
From him
Saying….

Bye…

Bye…