Times are hard and the only thing that keeps me going is warm blood and cold steel. My life is complicated and my days are darker than a solar eclipse slowly covering the moon of my life until darkness. I drink to get sleep, I drink to forget and the drugs now just ware off quick. Time is suspended, Lord forgive me for I have sinned to survive but I will never have any regrets. Slow me down with physical pain and my tears will stain the concrete like blood in a dim lit hallway. Blood stain on the sofa cushions, blood stains almost everywhere that there was a short story of a battle. I will never forget those days of war for peace and a peace of mind through my eyes. Violence soaked in gasoline. I find the defendant guilty of being misguided, savage and blind. I received the chair! Love me or kill me I have wounds that will never heal and the world to me is one giant grave yard burying me six feet deep day by day. SAVE ME because I’m only what America made me yet I still live by faith holding my crucifix tightly in my hand with a stone grip and money still grows from hell’s tree leaves. Hands that have roads in their palms hard like prison doors and autographed by power burns from last night. Sincerely time will tell. This city is soulless and the reruns won’t end, the days are interminable as I watch a show of purgatory up to its highest volume. Kill or be killed, another black male enslaved by his own funeral service while people act like they care and crocodile tears fall in the grass. Ashes to ashes dust to dust how many of us will go next? Forget justice….. Justice is just us. Genocide from people in blue uniforms, am I dying or am I dead? I can’t tell anymore, I can’t dwell anymore in my pain and suffering. Just kill me already! She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not then she pulled the trigger aimed at my own heart and shot me down. Forget it all, Laugh out loud in their eyes we are a joke and example will be made in this soulless parade. SPEECHLESS!!!
Will you remember me when I leave? Understanding is something you couldn’t achieve. See me… I bleed for this thing called pride. So will you open your eyes. A kite can’t fly with out wind current. We all cant breath without plants and trees. So just like I need you, you need me. Just like the earth has to turn three hundred sixty degrees. We can chamber a gun with one bullet of compassion and assassinate the racism and hate. I’ll keep my doors open for any skin color or race, and you can walk through at any time and any place. You gotta take them shoes off before you come in this joint. Don’t disrespect my clean carpet. If you have clothes that need to be washed I’ll wash ’em. If your hungry I’ll make pizza and the dough I’ll toss it. If you are cold… turn up the heat ,but don’t go past seventy five degrees because my bills ain’t cheap. Life is strange but one thing will always be the same. We aren’t so different if you use your brain. THINK!
I feel so warm and tingly. My every breath is in slow motion. My voice raspy chain smoking while the summer breeze played the saxophone like that old jazz man you know. My younger days… Dice games going on in the ally way so you know I’m side betting. Keeping my third eye open for guys gun toting. Trying to rob us was suicide and the whole north west side knew it. My knuckles bruised and cut up from last nights predicted fight. Guess who won? The ladies of the night standing on the boulevard hopping in and out of cars like they were jumping rope. She asked me did I have another cigarette and I replied and, I don’t smoke. If I could do a documentary on her life it would be like bringing a knife to a gun fight only for the knife to win. This was also the night that I made death run. This was the night that change my life forever.
I think you only see the flaws in me. I think you forget that I am a human being. This little light of mine it will never shine. We will never see eye to eye so my flame will slowly die.I spy with my brown eyes someone in the world that hates me. That has no faith in me and is always mistaking me. Please! What more can you take from me?
Surrounded by masked men at three am…The sounds of glass breaking and loud screaming mixed with helicopter propellers and bright lights shined threw my window bright like day light. I didn’t budge because I’ve been here before. So nostalgic and not proud of it. I felt like a fish in a tank displayed for the public. When I opened my eyes I wasn’t surprised to see police men hovering around my well being. .223 and 5.56 and fingers on the triggers pointed at me. Three am… So nostalgic with white faces shouting at me. Damn! I finely realized that my life sucks and I have no one I can trust.
I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you… I don’t deserve love… I don’t deserve acknowledgement for what I so called do… I don’t know big words like you… I’m not a writer… I don’t inspire… Hell I cant even spell… The truth is all I can bare, but who wants that? I’m not very smart… I don’t like to talk… I fail at language arts… I’d rather light flames on my hands to rage… I don’t need your words… I don’t deserve your friendship and to tell you the truth. I just want to quit this shit… I’m so sorry and pardon my french. My loneliness has a bench. So I’ll just sit to the side till the end of time. Damaged… I’m so broken, no one can piece me back… My bipolar tendencies can’t be welded back… My heart hurts like I digested glass… Empty like the gas tank while I twist my keys on the way to hell… Now I know how spiders feel in the public’s eyes… I don’t look lovable… Most over looked and most hated by upper class self righteous critics… The under underdog roaming the streets without a name tag… I see no light at the end of this dark tunnel of anxiety… Watch me burn down slowly like an empty abandon house on the corner of a drug infested neighborhood… Uncontrollable untamed and wretched… Stainless steal steroid needles injected into bald eagles… If I bought peace to the middle east would I steel be a low grade, no class parasite compared to histories greatness or maybe I’ll just wait until pigs fly… Or maybe you don’t deserve me?
“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma
The award was created by Okoto Enigma. Here is the link: http://okotenigma.wordpress.com
I was nominated for this award by lady truth https://soulsearchingjourneyblog.wordpress.com/
Rules For The Nominees:
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List the Rules. √
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Tell your readers three things about yourself. √
Answer five questions from the nominee. √
Nominate anywhere from ten to twenty bloggers. √
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3 Things about myself.
1. I’m quiet until spoken to
2.I will give my last if someone was in need.
3.I love love love me some sushi
1. If you could be any species other than a human what would you be and why? I would be a big brown bear so I could eat salmon all day.
2. One thing you would love do but have never done? Make a family.
3.Would you try chocolate covered crickets? I would try chocolate covered anything as long as it’s milk chocolate.
4.What makes you feel good? Having someone genuinely care about you that doesn’t come with a price.
5.What is one thing you love about your heart or your mind? That it’s still beating.
My 5 questions for you all:
1.What’s two favorite things you like to do?
2.If you were in a confrontation with someone would you try to talk it out or just fight?
3. If you could have two things in the whole world what would they be?
4.If there was a zombie apocalypse and you could start off with three things what would they be?
5.What color do you love most?
Listen to me! Open your eyes and see I’m crying a sea of tears and debris because I’m tired of seeing lives get taken from me… Hold my hand, breath man breath don’t die on me you will make it don’t take it. Please! Don’t die on me! His eyes rolled, his skin cold. The road of no return is approaching. Slowly he took a deep breath and exhaled for the last time. I didn’t cry but Iknew that was his last time. I knew that was the last sky he would ever see dead looking up at me. Blood covered the streets like a stream of water rushing down the gutters on a cold rainy night. The sirens got closer and I knew it was over and I said good bye my…. he was 19… I was 17… Man rest in peace.
I gave up… I swam to the deepest part of the ocean and sank. Even though I can swim. I tell you drowning was a sweet release from the hands of chaos in my life. No one came looking for me. No one even tried. Its cool… I expected this feeling of abandonment long before my souls absence. I just somehow vanished sinking deeper and deeper into the soft blue abyss inhaling salt water it until I couldn’t breath no longer. The only thing that cried for me was the sky. The sun played hide an go seek with the moon so all I ever saw were clouds dark like the kidneys of an old whisky drinker. I finally let my own sorrows get the best of me. A strong man I was. Now forgotten at the bottom of the deep blue bed of the sea of my own tears. Good night…