P.T.S.D

(One of my favs oldies)

 

 

It’s only one of me…

I’ll fight all ten of y’all!

I can’t think!

Anger brewing tattooing a image of bruises on you!

I don’t even know why I am so mean sometimes…

Why I have bad dreams, flash backs of bullets coming threw my wind shield!

The life of my passenger taken…

Lord have mercy!

Rest in peace!

Your enemy has taken a permanent nap!

Don’t like my book…

CLOSE IT!

You think you tougher than me…

SHOW IT!

The only person I fear is the man in the mirror!

No big words twists turns or metaphors…

Just true facts intact…

Verbally waterboarding you to death…

A mind that seen know Christmas or thanksgivings!

With family members!

Just fist fights!

Small iron battles in the middle of the streets!

Cold prison sentences…

23 and 1… 24/7

With no nice bed sheets or throw pillows…

So what does life mean to you!?

Mine is a constant fight for survival!

Post traumatic stress disorder is my only friends and family….

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Distant Hearts

(Another oldie)

 

Love was never easy to keep for a guy like me.

I was always In the hood ready for war.

Outside with boots laced ten toes down.

Your lips whenever you would smile.

All I wanted to see.

Even If It was for one last time.

If I could see you face to face right now.

I would pull you so close to me!

Wrap my arms around your waist!

Pick you up in the sky!

Then kiss your soft moist lips.

Priceless were those times.

I spent with you.

Oh how brief they were yet unforgettable.

I knew you were the one for me!

I was also one with the streets.

I can remember when I went on that iron vacation up north.

It was cold…

I was lonely…

Yearning for your affection…

Your letters to me…

I would read over and over…

That was enough for me!

That was all I needed!

Thank you for caring!

Your last letter…

The lowest day of my life…

Dead I was Inside…

At the same time…

I was understanding to your needs.

Wants that I couldn’t give to you.

My circumstances…

I still remember your last words…

“I’m sorry.”

I was alone once again.

I didn’t cry though…

I promise you…

I just started reading more eating, gaining weight and exercising!

To get you out of my head…

Time passed…

I came home with nothing but a screaming hole in my heart…

I never saw or herd from you again…

Crumbling my young heart…

FORCE OF LOVE

(Old one I hated)

 

 

I want you to…

Be yourself…                                                                                                                            I want you to…

I want you to…

I want you to whisper in my ear and say…

That you love me…

Don’t abuse it!

Mean It!                                                                                                                                  Don’t refuse it!

Seek it!

I wan’t you to…

Grow old with me…

I wan’t you to…

Be there for me…

Take care of me…

I’ll return to you…

Nurture our love and a rose will grow out from your iron heart. Our ways will never part for you’re my greatest art.

You and me…                                                                                                                            Me and you…

Time is thin…                                                                                                                            Show me yours…                                                                                                                      I’ll show you mine…                                                                                                                The sky is yours…                                                                                                                    The earth is mine…                                                                                                                   Give me you…                                                                                                                            All of you…                                                                                                                                Give me hope…                                                                                                                       Be my dope…                                                                                                                           I’m high on you…                                                                                                                     I wan’t to overdose…

Off you…

Your kiss is my abyss…

Lost in…                                                                                                                                  For you I’ll take a risk…                                                                                                          Give me kiss give me kiss…

Please don’t shade your heart behind tinted windows and cheap cosmetics.

I want you just the way you are!

No one but me will ever see the true beauty you possess!

Just put me to the test!

I’ll burn down all of your stress!

I am a pain arsonist!

My flames will hold us together like these sentences I endeavor!

ACHIEVEMENT FAILED!

In my sincerest words to you…

Give me your heart or I’m taking it.

I want you!

TRUE PAIN

(A older joint)

 

I’ve seen death up close personally in the worst ways possible…

since I was five years old…

Our relationship was a road that never ended like silent hill…

Agony, tragedy breed wild beasts of all kinds…

True story!

This ain’t no confession!

This is just pure raw uncut truth!

My life is like…

A child coming home to a cold vacant apartment…

With no food…

No heat…

Or running hot water…

Those days my hopelessness became my true recognition…

No ones perfect!

NOT EVEN YOU!

Remember that before you criticize someones life!

How they write…

If you only knew the undernourished emotional trauma he’s been through…

This man….

 

THE GHOST OF RELATIONSHIPS PAST

 

(Another one of my favorite oldies)

 

Remnants of you still remain in my minds open plains. A field of open lies, broken ties! Torture that left my eyes blind to what I have seen!

 

Yet you still leave your foot prints all through my head. I can still feel you close when your not there. You where the true air of the throne! baring my naked lonly heart….

 

Your scent still pervades off my red bed sheets! Dark side on the other side of my bed were my Queen use to sleep… The next women in my life will always be the archetype.

 

Of you…

 

My feeling’s for her will be the same as ours were…

Its not fair!

I don’t care!

I still want you!

Next to You…

Possessed the unprepossessing me…                                                                                  You took over me…                                                                                                                  You weaken me…                                                                                                                    I couldn’t sleep…

You would make me…                                                                                                             Your love was a vaccine to me…                                                                                          I haven’t dated in three years…

knowing another women would just see the pain in me…

The shame in me…                                                                                                                  The rage in me…                                                                                                                       No taming me…                                                                                                                       You still haunt me…

I’m not me…

A GHOST!

You….

Are….

To….

Me….

Running Truth Never Lies…

(One of my older favs)

 

 

Nigger…

Thug…

Violent…

Scammer…

Coon…

Carpet bagger….

Minority…

Cotton picker…

Spook…

Monkey…

You people…

Dirty…

Ghetto trash…

I’ve been called it all! It doesn’t even faze me anymore! Tell me what you no about pain! I’ll show you me and my ancestors scars!

I was young when I paused and heard…

“Run nigger run!”

The color of there faces I’ll never forget…

I was 20 years old when I was beaten…

Run for what? I can’t even run for president…. I can’t even show you I’m better than! Without some folk putting down a man…

Can I speak for a minute…..

Minority….

Those words are what hurt the most… Did you forget that we came her before! Most of y’all on boats….

Oh god….

Let me shut up there! I know y’all don’t want to hear that old sad story…

Narcissist!

Nah…

Nope….

I won’t call you that or blind to the facts….

You can see!

I promise I won’t talk about that case…

I’ll just yell

“about face!”

Speaking to myself in the clear mirror about a raped race….

Just to myself though…

So don’t panic…

Can I get a witness?

What’s up my native American brothers?

What’s up my Muslim sisters?

Racism!

I think it just never existed…

So from me!

It’s just not worth mentioning….

Racism doesn’t exist….

I’m being sarcastic!

What’s up Donald trump?

What’s up communism?

What’s up to all these new prison systems they’re building…

That’s the new section 8…

Rent free…

You understand me?

Oh don’t get me wrong!

They’re building them for us…

I’m just dreaming…

Sleep walking fast to the back of the bus…

In 2017….

What’s up Rosa parks?

What’s up justice?

“What’s up Chris?”

Oooohhh…. Snap!

Justice you do speak!

Can you free all my soldiers! Free all the walls that seem to block the very eyes of the already formed generations of the blind deaf and dumb… The shameless cobras…

Let my people go!

We have suffered enough…

Witness please!

Soon again they will all be on the receiving end…

True with a side of justice is coming!

True justice is not pleased! There will be examples made to all these genocidal thieves…

Conceal your blood line please!

Im being Sarcastic again…

So wake up….

Amen…

R.i.p to all the miss treated, murdered for no reason…

Free all the victims of the broken system…

I love you all!

Peace!

 

Feels Like The First Time

Everything that glitters ain’t gold…

But…

Dammmmmnnnnnnn!

Cross my heart hope to never go blind!

Trapped in your cage for dogs by your visual arts…

A Gin Jutsu is more of the cause…

If you don’t get it…

Then you don’t no where I was!

Lost…

Lost in your…

Lost in your…

Oh my god!

I can feel the extraordinary sensation pepper ment paddy…

 

 

You got me floating on love like my name is Aladdin!

Allow me to hold you into my cotton candy at the carnival…

Your tall enough to ride all my rides…

There all hard ones…

She looked at me flurting feeling frisky…

Baby!

Frisk me for contraband…

Your my illegal substance uncut…

Oh lord!

I can’t control it!

I got to run!

 

15

She kept that shit all the way real! Check it out💯💯💯💯

*

Pivoting personalities
doing your best to be everyone
for everyone.
Mother, daughter, wife
cook, cleaner, companion
putting on apron after apron but
never having time to dirty your hands.

A revolving door of weak, disappointing men
men who don’t pick you up from the airport
or pick up after themselves
those who demand recognition for chores
while you silently scrub the stove.

You’ve become the saddest slaughterhouse
a pair of hands, a mind to boggle
he asked for your opinion,
took it to the office, but still to his colleagues you are
boardroom businessman and wife.

May your tears turn to windshield raindrops
your daughters and nieces chase
for the rest of their lives.

May you be a maternal role model
of every girl’s massive mind.
May your apron be smeared by the tears of all the narrow men
who never believed in the strength
you always knew you possessed.

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I AM

(An older post)

 

I’m a walking cannon in the flesh just test me…

You’ll see…

I’m really truly blessed…

I got a lot of demons up in me.

When it comes to war…

I’m the best!

If you look me in my eyes…

Those nightmares you’ll  see…

When I inhale air…

I exhale death…

My lungs are like fire in the first degree…

I try to stay away from liars…

Trying to get the truth…

Its like pulling teeth…

Your tone of voice is very shaky…

Put some base in your chest when you talk to me!

Keen on body language…

I see you are in fear of me!

A life of crime was always haunted by my actions…

So my actions…

Please set me free…

Miraculously I clung to life when your bullets entered me…

Can’t you see…

Can’t you feel…

Can’t you hear…

Can’t you smell…

Cant you taste…

All the elements that I embody…

I’m the darkness on feet…

The sun light never revolved around me…

Cold as a wintry Niagara falls frozen over in ice…

I stand taller than the Washington monument!

Symbolizing that my skin is made of stone!

My heart you could never get to!

Even if you took the long never ending stairs to it…

I’m deaths immortal son of anarchy’s past present and future…

Try me!

you’ll see!